Uh oh! Your parents are coming for a surprise visit... last minute date... YOUR EX WIFE IS COMING TO CHECK ON YOU AND THE KID... and you haven't cleaned your place since... well, since the last time you hired the maid. Sometimes you only have 5 minutes' notice that someone is coming to hang out in your castle, and that thick layer of clutter covering every horizontal space in your crib is definitely an eyesore. It really isn't too hard to make your place look presentable and company-ready.
First things first. Prioritize. You know those 3 day old dirty dishes in the sink? Now is not the time to work on them. Fill the sink with VERY hot sudsy water to make it look like you're on top of it (4:30 left). Now throw all the dirty laundry in a big garbage bag and put it by the back door; your company will just assume you forgot to take the trash out (4:00 left). Put all your books, magazines, mail, flyers, etc. in a huge stack on your desk and put all your pens and pencils in that empty Tim Horton's coffee cup you forgot to throw out. You're cleaning and recycling. Way to go!
Only 3 minutes and 30 seconds left. It's time to make the bed. Don't worry about straightening your sheets, just throw a big blanket over the whole thing (3:00 left). Kick all trash into a pile in the middle of the room and throw it away (2:00 left). (Do the same in your kid's room) It's important to make sure you don't confuse your big bag of trash with your big bag of dirty clothes. While you're buzzing around the room like a busy bee, pop a jazz CD into your stereo or laptop to add a little ambiance to your place. A little pizazz goes a long way in making your room feel comfortable. Better yet, throw an educational TV program on for your kids and be ready to look and sound interested in the show.
Straighten bathroom, hang clean towel and replace toilet paper roll... oh yeah, quickly wipe off mirrors. Take any remaining clutter and throw it somewhere out of the way, like in your microwave, stove, closet, under furniture, behind the curtains or in your rain boots (1:00 left). Take a deep breath... this is hard work (0:55 left).
You have just enough time to put the finishing touches on your place. Try doing a little dusting, or tear out random advertisements from magazines or have your kid color some pictures and tape them on your wall as artwork. Be creative, but move quickly. This will zap the rest of your time, but be sure you're finished by the time you get that knock on your door.
Now that you know how to clean your castle quickly, you don't have to clean your place on a regular basis. Just make sure your friends and family know to call you five minutes ahead of time.
When all else fails, check out maid services in your yellow pages. Please note: You will require at least a couple of days notice to arrange maid service. Just saying.