Books Magazine

How Hot Are These Famous Authors?

By Robert Bruce @robertbruce76

Hopefully, by now, you know that 101 Books isn’t necessarily a blog of high literary criticism. If you don’t, I’m telling you now: We ain’t high-fallutin’ book people ‘round here.

That’s where today’s post comes in. Blinq is a controversial dating app that has a feature wherein you can upload a photo, the app does some kind of magic, then it tells you whether you’re “hot or not” on a scale of “Hmmm…” to “Godlike,” as well as an estimated guess on age. It was in the news a couple of weeks ago.

But we already know you’re probably all hot, so that’s boring. Let’s make this interesting. Let’s upload some photos of famous authors and see what happens.

Here we go:

Jonathan Franzen

franzenhot

Apparently, Blinq isn’t a fan of great hair and nondescript hipster glasses.

James Joyce

jamesjoycehot

James Joyce was allegedly a kinky man, and Blinq seems to want in on the fun.

Jack Kerouac

kerouachot

Really? “Nice” is all you can give Jack? Doesn’t Kerouac look like the All-American douchebag male here? Douchebag? Yes. But still attractive, right? Certainly better than a “nice.”

William Shakespeare

shakespearehot

In this photo, Bill has that vibe of your creepy uncle who’s also a struggling poet that lives in a rundown trailer. I’d give him a “Hmmm…”

Sylvia Plath

sylviaplathhot

Come on. Sylvia Plath was attractive.

Virginia Woolf

woolfhot

Blinq is not a fan of Miss Wolfe. Jerks.

Mark Twain

twainhot

Heck yeah! That mustache alone is hot.

JK Rowling

rowlinghot

I feel like we’re being trolled.

Zadie Smith 

zadiehot

Blinq is dumb. Zadie Smith is beautiful.

Okay, I’m beginning to believe this app is crap. Let’s test it on some obvious celebrities.

Here’s a young Elizabeth Taylor.

taylorhot

Well, that’s definitely on point.

And how about Jon Snow?

jon snowhot

Well, of course, he’s godlike.

Certainly this app is for entertainment purposes only. Read: it’s mainly a crap app to have fun with.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but none of them (and none of you) are as beautiful as Jon Snow. You just need to go ahead and live with that.

If you want to have a little fun and make fun of your friends, by all means…


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