Today on the blog we have an anonymous guest post from a very brave mom to be who shares her devastating experience in the hope of being able to help others.
I decided to share this as a way of helping me recover what I have been through, and also as a way of helping others.
back on 17th April 2010 I was just on a normal night out with my mates when I met this lad, who tells me he is in the army. we got chatting all night, exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up again before he left to go to Afghanistan. well we did meet up, and decided to stay in touch he gave me his army address so i could write to him, things were amazing.
He’d asked me to be his girlfriend on 17th June the same year, I was so happy he had booked us a holiday for Paris as a celebration when he returned. well our holiday came and went and we were still going strong.We even got a dog together, our family was almost complete.
He was so supportive and even booked time off work when my grandad suddenly passed away in November, he was there for me at his funeral and always on the phone to make sure I was OK.
Things were great until January, when he suddenly became possessive, he would constantly tell me what to do, who i should talk to, made me delete half my male friends off my facebook. but still I did these because I loved him and believed he loved me. He was my first serious boyfriend and I couldn’t face being alone again.
February comes and on the one weekend he came home we staying in a local hotel, he got drunk and it was the first time he hit me. I forgave him after he promised he would never do it again, I believed he was just stressed over all the army work. Anyway my 21st was coming up and he had planned for us to go away to London. this was the second time he hit me.
My 21st ruined because he got angry when a lad wished me a happy birthday. I didn’t speak to him till late the next day, we came home and pretended everything was fine. He was back to his caring loving ways, planning a future together.
17th April 1011 a year after we met he proposed to me, again drunk but I was still happy. thinking being engaged will change him. we’d started to plan our wedding. set a date, I’d picked my bridesmaids and found my dream dress. We just needed to save now.
I fell pregnant his reaction was shocking, he forced me into an abortion despite me saying I wanted to at least talk about it, he gave me the choice baby or him. I fell in a trap where I depended on him, so went with his plans, he made me believe it was for the best. Afterwards I was so low I struggled to go to work. we argued a lot. A few times he held a gun to me saying if I ever dared to leave him he would kill me, I was terrified.
30th July he finishes with me, saying he loved me but didn’t want a relationship. I missed him terribly but in a way was relieved to know he couldn’t hurt me again. however august comes around…
The month I shall never forget…
9th August 2011 he comes round saying he wanted to take our dog for a walk, and give us chance to talk, I believed he was going to say he made a mistake and wanted me back… how wrong could I be, we go to the woods near mine, a place I’ve taken my dog a 100 times before, things were OK to start, we chat, he gets a phone call from a “friend” they talk in code.
I felt confused and sensed something wasn’t right, suddenly he takes hold of the dog lead and tries to strangle me, forcing me to kiss him going tighter till I done so, he then grabs me and shoves me against the tree, the rest happened so quickly. This was the moment the man I trusted raped me and stole every bit of confidence away. He made me feel like dirt. I grabbed my dog and ran, he caught up with him and punched me so hard i fell to the ground. He told me if I ever told someone he would kill me.
When I got home I was in pieces, this is the last time I ever really saw him.
I managed to tell my mom the next day who instantly told the police, in total I have spoken to 7 different officers, 4 of which told me they will not do anything because an ex partner cannot rape someone…
The next one said they can but would not deal with my case, the next one took notice, I made a formal statement giving as much information as possible, they promised me they will arrest the man who hurt me and question him within a week.
3 months later this man is still walking free, harassing me weekly with calls and text’s threatening me all the time. The police don’t want to know, they tell me its documented and someone will look into my case. I have a personal officer now but he is still yet to do anything.
finding out I was pregnant again was a massive shock, at first I doubted what to do, I knew it was the result of the rape and wondered how I could bring up a child knowing how it was created.
But its not my unborn child’s fault, yes I’ve received horrid comments asking how I can keep a rapists child but to me its still a life, and I believe it will be a positive from a awful situation.
He has since smashed my car up, sent me texts saying all these bad things will happen, he drives past my house when he is on leave, I’ve not faced him since that horrid day, however I know he is in my area again this very weekend and has vowed to harm me any way he can. the police are still yet to do anything. I’ve had days where I feel like ending my life because of the constant flashbacks from that day. I’ve been let down by the police, by the army, but just about everyone who should be protecting people.
Last week I went to my doctor for a follow up examination, he tells me I still have bruising from the day I was raped, the police has all this but they are still refusing to help me. I’m still battling with my emotions every day, hoping that one day that that man will get what he deserve, until then I am focusing on creating a new life with my baby, who will never know the real story about its dad. He may of destroyed my confidence but one day I will be stronger than before and a better person than he ever was.
I just want people to be aware than although army men may be such respected people, they may also be the most dangerous.
