Humor Magazine


By Killmenow @lbigfoot

Welcome to my site. You may want to check out my book, "Kill Me Now!". Thanks for visiting!

I am sorry if you missed my blog, I was in hospital. I had a huge operation and now trying to recuperate from it. Thanks for your kind wishes.

I do not like hospitals. I have never understood why hospital beds are so tiny. I watch House and Grey’s Anatomy and the hospital beds there look rather comfortable. I was given a hospital bed that not only did I have to put the sides up so that I would not roll out of bed, but I also had to sleep with my knees bent. That is not a comfortable way to sleep. Fortunately they kept me well drugged or else I would have kicked up a fuss; if I could have pulled myself out of the bed.

My dear girlfriend was with me all day. For the first time in my life, I was not alone. I had my loving girlfriend there, my sister and my bodyguard. My bodyguard was there to make sure that I did not run away. I had actually asked him to be in the operation to make sure that they removed what they were supposed to, but the poor guy faints at the sight of blood. I wonder what would happen if he hits someone causing the victim to bleed. Would he then faint as well, making it a tie?

There were so many beautiful nurses on my ward. All blonde, blue-eyed and young, just the way I like them. Every day, I pressed the buzzer when I wanted my sponge bath, hoping for cutest one to arrive and all of a sudden my girlfriend arrives. Hmmm, all I wanted was a sponge bath from Caroline and my girlfriend appears. OK, if she wants to give me a sponge bath, no problem. I will wait for the evening and then Jacqueline can give me one.

So, I waited patiently for my girlfriend to go home for the day and when she had gone, I buzzed and Jacqueline arrives. I told her, I am ready for my sponge bath. She smiled at me sweetly and said “Right away!”

All of a sudden, the curtain opens and there is Boris, a huge guy who has recently come out of the closet. In a sing-song voice like Jacqueline’s, he said, “Me hear you vant a bat.” No, no, it is OK. I will wait for the morning.

Do you think that my girlfriend paid them off?

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