Funny how life unfolds...I grew up thinking to be a successful woman...that could only be defined by a successful career...(it was the 80's when women having it all was something we were led to believe) ...After delivering my second son... within hours I was discussing with my partner, a big jewelry order for Disneyland that came in that morning..yep... that is exactly what the 80's motherhood looked like...to me... even in 1994.
So for years when I had small children...I felt kind of embarrassed...how after all of my education and career successes... I hadended up on the mommy track...andstaying at home no less.
So fast forward eighteen years.. I was so shocked at how much it hurt...and how very much I grieved when my daughter left for college...and when my second made his departure last year.Hadn't returning to a career been what I was waiting for...Through this blog...that at it's core is really an online journal...
I have realized how very much I too have grown and changed ...by raising my three,,,
That the returning to a place I left...just doesn't exist anymore...there is no door.. no portal back...because I am no longer that woman...I kept thinking I would find her again...The woman who would work around the clock for a deadline...whose life was made up of goal settings...and achievements...Whose ego made her a strong and focused competitor...
She isn't here any more.
She has been softened by loving fiercely...her three.
Her world view has completely changed...as have all her priorities...andage has brought it's own realities of mortality...and how very numbered our days here truly are.
I am a woman now...who will choose home keeping as a priority...Who can see the joys in an everyday family schedule...Who with two children gone...can put being present and available for the one remaining... at the top of my list.
I am a woman who will choose to totally invest in family birthday parties...and neighborhood gatherings...even if it means canceling business plans.
I am also a woman... who at my core... as I write this... is still trying to forgive myself for this.The eighties were, after all ...my formative years :))
But I have grown past my eighties up bringing...to become a woman...who got SOOO much satisfaction...tidying up (reclaiming actually)... a teenage son's bedroom...
as always dear friends
I wish you love and joyas you style your life
