The holidays are here. Merry Christmas! Finals are done, and I’m all yours for a month. No tests, no homework, no projects, nothing can keep me from churning out columns like it’s my job. So, tonight, in light of the Christmas spirit1 and because I do all my shopping last minute, I’m going shopping for my favorite teams and filling their needs. So, here is my wish list for my favorite teams.
Boston Red Sox –
New Ownership: The way to kill a monster is to cut off its head. So, with John Henry, Larry Lucchino, and Tom Werner out of the picture, the head of the monster that has become the Boston Red Sox will be lopped off. Now, this group was in charge when the Sox won in 2004 and 2007. So, we can’t hate them, but I’ll be damned if we aren’t going to come pretty close. What these guys did to the team the past two years has been done right disgusting2. With new ownership, this team can start washing off the grim of the past couple years. Until then, it will be an uphill battle.
An Ace: Don’t get me wrong, Jon Lester is a good pitcher, but don’t try and fool yourself by saying he is an ace. He is the number one pitcher by default. He shouldn’t even be mentioned on the same page as Felix Hernandez, Justin Verlander, David Price, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, and C.C. Sabathia3. If the Red Sox were able to get an ace4 by trading away a package of players5 then their entire outlook on the upcoming season would change. Imagine if their rotation looked like this: [insert ace here], Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, Ryan Dempster, and Felix Doubront. Now, that is a rotation of a 90-plus win team if everything breaks right. Instead, we’re looking at no ace, everyone moving up a spot, and sticking John Lackey on the end6.
Boston Celtics –
A Big Guy on the Bench: No offense to Jared Sullinger, Jason Collins, Chris Wilcox, and Fab Melo, but the Celtics need a big guy to be able to come into the game and be a leader in the paint, grab some rebounds, and protect the rim. When KG is on the bench, this team gives up easy buckets and second-chance points. So, yes, they need a big guy, but who? Splurge and trade all your assets for troubled DeMarcus Cousins? Sacramento might be ready to give up on him after he was indefinitely suspended earlier today, but if defense and leadership is something you are looking for then Boogie might not be your guy. So, just looking at available players, two on the free agent market look to fit Boston’s needs: Chris “Birdman” Anderson and Kenyon Martin. Both bring toughness, intensity, rebounding, protecting the rim, Martin also brings veteran leadership. Both, come with baggage, but the Celtics have never shied away from that6 before.
A Healthy Avery Bradley: Insert him into the starting lineup and Courtney Lee becomes a trade-chip. Insert him into the starting lineup and the perimeter defense becomes tighter. Insert him into the starting lineup and the Celtics matchup better with the Heat ten times better. The only thing Bradley could do in addition to those things and make the team better is to take the stick out of Jeff Green’s ass.
New England Patriots –
A Denver Loss: Getting a bye in the first round isn’t necessary, but it sure would make it a hell of a lot easier. Rest and an extra week to prepare for what would in all likelihood be Peyton Manning and the Broncos in Foxborough for the Divisional round sure does look a lot nicer than playing a game wild-card weekend, and then traveling to Denver to play the hot Broncos.
Full Health- Julian Edelman is lost for the season, but other nagging injuries like the ones that harbor Rob Gronkowski, Brandon Spikes, Sebastian Vollmer, Aaron Hernandez, Logan Mankins, and now Tom Brady, make the Patriots job a little tougher. You never want to start behind the 8-ball. If the Patriots can’t get a bye in the first-round, it would be smart to sit their battered stars as much as they can the next two weeks.
Boston Bruins –
Hockey: How about some games?! The worst part is, we fell for it again! What the NHL owners and league officials have done, for the second time in 7 years, is taken a nice big dump in a paper bag, lit it on fire, and left it on the doorstep of every NHL fan, and here we are left looking like this guy.
Merry Christmas everyone! Glad to be back writing for fun again. Feel rejuvenated, funny what a little sleep and real food can do for you. Lots more columns on the way including my NFL Playoff Preview, my take on the first quarter of the NBA season, and my Academy Awards predictions, I can’t wait. Thanks for reading!
- And because I am in a great mood now that finals are over and I have caught up on sleep and have a belly full of real food.
- Just to recap: They have thrown building a team out the window instead wanting to build a brand that would recruit pink hats and Sweet Carolines, built their strategy on winning the offseason instead of the postseason, handed out some of the stupidest contracts seen since…well every year, baseball owners and GMs are pretty dumb, increased ticket prices when the team they were putting on the field sucked, and ran out the most beloved manager in team history AND THENplanted a story about him being addicted to pain pills and being so depressed he couldn’t do his job in the local newspaper. Besides that, they’ve had a pretty good run.
- Oops, I just did.
- I don’t include R.A. Dickey as an ace. I watched Tim Wakefield for my entire life. I know knuckle-ballers. They rely on flyball out and strikeouts. R.A. Dickey got a lot of both in the friendly confines of every NL park and pitching against less superior lineups. Moving to the AL East with its hitter friendly parks and patient lineups, well, let’s just say Dickey is due for a drop-off. Now, the other thing I learned watching Wakefield was that knuckle-ballers are consistent at being inconsistent. He would throw a gem one game and then come back and get lit up the next start. So, Dickey, by my logic, is going to finish around 12-12 with an ERA around 4.00.
- Probably Ellsbury, Lavarnway, Inglesias, and some other prospects. Is that enough for a ace…probably not, but one can hope.
- Sebastian Telfair, Ricky Davis, Stephon Marbury…do I need to keep going… okay, Rasheed Wallace, Vin Baker….
