Humor Magazine

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

By Dianelaneyfitzpatrick
Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads
Every once in a blue moon I look for a job. Sometimes it’s because I’m shopping or running errands and I’ll be waited on by someone who seems to love her job, she’s wearing nice clothes, and she’s drinking coffee while she works.

I want to do that, I’ll say.

And then sometimes it’s because I’m the victim of someone being completely incompetent at a job that I know for a fact they’re well paid to do. 

I want to do that, too, I’ll say. Getting paid to do a lackluster job? Who doesn’t want that?

And then I come home and start looking in the Internet want ads, forgetting all the things I love about not having a job. I’m just a big ol’ sucker for that green grass on the other side of the fence.

I never know what category to look in. (Partly because I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.) Today, I decided to try “marketing” since “writing” was only bringing up Internet scams that I know for a fact, pay about $0.00001/hour. Don’t ask me how I know this.

There were a few real marketing and public relations jobs in there. But also under the category of Marketing Jobs there were jobs for:

  • Blockbuster assistant manager
  • Yoga instructor
  • Financial advisor
  • Physical therapist
  • Every possible position at Halloween City, including general manager
  • Loan officer
  • Avon calling!
  • Speech pathologist
  • Salesperson in almost every store in our mall
The problem seemed to be the word marketing. Marketing is a nice way of saying sales. And sales is a nice way of saying I’m working weekends selling crap at the mall. I still can’t figure out where marketing comes in for a yoga teacher, though. I guess you have to be able to talk people into signing up for the next class.

One medical facility actually advertised a job for an RN in a cardiac cath lab, under Marketing Jobs, with one of the benefits listed as a “service to help you find your next job.” Perhaps in marketing?

Posted jobs can be confusing and misleading. Here are some things to keep you smiling if you’re looking for a job more seriously than I am:
Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

Help! I Need Help With the Help Wanted Ads

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