Debate Magazine

“Having Extramarital Sex Makes Me a Fabulous Mother”

By Eowyn @DrEowyn
Barcroft Photo

Barcroft Photo

Via NY Post: A devoted wife and mother couldn’t be more enamored with her family — and says it’s all because she’s having extramarital sex.

Gracie X, a redheaded Northern California firecracker who dons black catsuits with kinky boots, believes in “ethical non-monogamy,” a practice in which romantic partners can engage in sex with others with their spouse’s consent.

The 48-year-old Pilates teacher and writer believes the openness she has in her marriage to her second husband, Oz, 41, makes her a better parent to her 16-year-old daughter, Tallulah, and her 11-year-old son, Merlin, according to Barcroft Media.

Oz, Gracie and Tallulah/Barcroft Photo

Oz, Gracie and Tallulah/Barcroft Photo

Gracie told the news organization: “Having sex outside my marriage makes me a fabulous mother. Anything that keeps me happy and gives me energy makes me a better mother. If my kids asked me to stop being polyamorous, I wouldn’t. I could not stop being who I am, I could not stop living the lifestyle that is me.

Gracie has the full support of her daughter, who feels free to make the choices in her own life that best suit her needs. “I was about 10 or 11 and my parents sat me down and they told me they are going to start having special friends,” Tallulah said.

“It took some getting used to, but now I think being polyamorous makes her a better mother because she’s happy … I think it affected my view of relationships because now I know I can love the way I want to and really make a relationship in the way I want to and not the way society wants it to.”

Gracie met Oz six years ago when she was still married to her first husband, Hank. She and Hank opened up their marriage to others and met Oz, who moved into their and their children’s duplex with his two kids. Hank later met a woman named Valerie who also shacked up with the non-traditional family.

As time went on, the spark between Hank and his girlfriend Valerie, and Gracie and her boyfriend Oz, grew hotter and the couples decided to pair off and live separate fulfilling lives.

Gracie doesn’t keep her lifestyle a secret from her children and believes her love life is the key to being an understanding mother. Gracie told Barcroft Media: “It definitely has made me a better parent and a better wife — it’s made me a happier person. Domestic life can get spectacularly boring and I need a separate adult life. The downside of monogamy is monotony. I think that’s the reason my daughter and son are so close to me is because they know I’m happy and they don’t need to worry about me. I have more energy to give to my kids.”

“The biggest burden you can put on your child is an unfulfilled life. We really have to make sure we’re living. I’m happy and fun to be around and they ask me about intimate things because I’m sex-positive and I’m not trying to control their lives.”

Gracie insists that her open marriage helps keep the flames burning in her relationship with Oz. “Knowing that your husband is a separate sexual being is a great way of keeping the relationship alive,” she told Barcroft Media. “It makes us closer and after we’ve been with another person, the passion between us when we come back together is unbelievable,” she added.

Barcroft Photo

Barcroft Photo

Oz mirrors his wife’s sentiments: “Being polyamorous helps me have a better sex life both inside and outside the marriage. It’s fun to explore and be out there and to have new experiences and it’s fun to take those experiences back and it’s fun to grow a relationship with Gracie.”

Although Gracie admits she does suffer from jealousy, she is now fully immersed in the ethical non-monogamy community. Gracie said that the competitive nature she has with her husband titillates her and brings out her animal nature. “I get completely jealous when Oz meets up with other women. This is one of the biggest fallacies of this — of course I get jealous.

“I think of Oz as this amazing male sexual animal and he goes off and he does these things and there’s part of me that is activated, that is also on the prowl and it’s an animal thing,” she told Barcroft Media.

“It’s like all the fur on the back of my neck is activated and it’s not a comfortable thing — it’s almost a competitive thing. It’s like ‘Oh, she gave you that? Well, I’m going give you even better,’” she added.

Gracie said that even though she has the full support of her husband and kids, not everyone agrees with her lifestyle. She said, “I’ve told people who I am and what I’m doing and I can see the terror in their eyes, so there’s a lot of ignorance and really not understanding. You know what I think is really true is when people are negative about this, it’s because of something that’s happening for them in their own life.”

Gracie wrote a book in order to educate others about a non-monogamous lifestyle, called “Wide Open; My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage and Loving on My Own Terms.”

Gracie said of her blossoming relationship: “I love and trust my husband and we’re very open about what we’re doing and we set parameters that we’re both comfortable with. Some people are critical with the way we live, but it suits us and I’ve never been happier.

“Ethical non-monogamy is a sex-positive world; sex is seen as normal, it’s seen as healthy. I’m a sex-positive parent.”


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