Couples that fight once a week about finances have between a 60 to 80 percent increase in risk of divorce, according to a State of Our Unions report by Jeffrey Dew.1 The study found that the frequency of financial disagreements between spouses is an excellent predictor of eventual divorce. With this in mind, couples may want to take proactive steps to communicate about their finances well before the situation becomes bleak.
Approach It as a Team
When money is tight, it can be an incredibly stressful situation. As noted by For Your Marriage, this type of situation can quickly cause a relationship to become toxic and argumentative.2 Rather than focusing on the negative, you and your partner should recognize that finances are the problem and that you can support each other in tackling it. It should be you and your partner against the world, not you and your partner against each other.
Communication is the Key
As Investopedia notes, many financial problems that couples experience are actually problems with communication.3 In a working relationship, both partners need to be aware of their current financial situation. A breakdown in communication can quickly lead to feelings of resentment and a lack of trust. As CashNetUSA notes, finances should be considered even before you agree to say “I do.” Learn how your partner deals with their individual finances before merging yours together, then decide if your financial habits will mesh.
It’s Never Too Early to Plan Ahead
Long-term goals are incredibly important for married couples. As the New York Times points out, you should discuss your retirement plans with your spouse to ensure that you’re both in agreement.4 If you want to work hard for 20 years and retire early, but your spouse wants to work until they’re 80, you may have conflicting life goals. It’s equally important to discuss long-term goals such as sending your children to college, saving up for a summer home or investing your money to ensure that it grows. Otherwise, you may be surprised later on.
Separate Your Finances From Other Issues
Money can be incredibly emotional to discuss. Finances are often a loaded discussion, especially if a spouse feels that they aren’t contributing enough or if a spouse feels that they are contributing too much. For this reason, you should attempt to remove all of the emotion from your finances and look at it as simply a numbers game. This will help you avoid heated arguments, hurt feelings, frustration and irritation. At the same time, it’s important to recognize that sometimes spending does have an emotional component. You may spend more if you’re feeling down or if you’re simply not paying attention. Keep it all in check.
While it’s undeniable that financial issues play a role in divorce, a fight about finances may be symptomatic of a greater problem. If you and your spouse can’t seem to agree about your finances, you may want to invest in some counseling. A third-party perspective could help you two align your goals, and move forward financially in-tune.
1. http://www.stateofourunions.org/2009/bank_on_it.php
2. http://www.foryourmarriage.org/how-the-financial-downturn-affects-marriage/
3. http://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/09/marriage-killing-money-issues.asp
4. http://bucks.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/14/how-to-talk-about-money-with-your-spouse/?_r=0
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