Crushes are usually associated with the puberty stricken junior high student who doodles the name of her hunky history teacher in her notebook. For the most part it’s harmless and usually over when the cute boy who sits behind her asks to walk her home from school. But getting over a crush may not always be so easy for everyone.
How does an adult Christian woman find herself in the same “crushing” predicament?
I’ll leave the concrete answers to the experts and only say that it can happen. And ugh, it happened to me.
When I was in my early twenties, I had a major crush on someone. I didn’t mean for it to happen but because of human nature, it just happens. You see someone who fits your ideal and you admire them. The infatuation really develops when they gain more of your focus than they should.
If the attraction is mutual and they have a crush on you too, a healthy relationship could transpire.
If it is not mutual, you have to get your crush in check quickly. If you don’t ask God to help you get your feelings under control, your “crush” may crush your emotions, your spirit, your self-esteem, or worse…your relationship with God.
Yielding control of your mind and body to an infatuation with someone who is not into you is damaging. You have to let go and let God perform the blessing for you.
Come to terms with what it is and is not…
Just because we develop a strong liking for someone does not denote a move of God in our love life. Our carnal nature likes what it likes. It is not to be confused with divine direction from God. Before I met Ron, I had other brother’s approach saying that God revealed to them that I would be there wife. How could one woman be the wife of more than one man? Somebody was lying. All of them were.
You have to be honest about what is really happening. A man likes a woman. A woman likes a man. Sometimes there is nothing deep or theological about it. If the fondness is not returned, you move on.
Some believe that God revealed to them their future spouse but the other person just doesn’t know it yet. I will not challenge a believer’s faith, but if the feelings remain unreciprocated and you’re depressed about the situation; if you are tempted to use trickery or manipulation to gain this persons interest, seek God with an open heart and get spiritual advising.
If the man is dating someone else, or yet, engaged to someone else; accept the reality of the situation. Love YOURSELF enough to let go. Trust GOD enough to know that He will answer your prayer in His perfect time.
[Love and Grace Book Recommendation {Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God by Sheila Walsh}]
Shifting your focus…
God blessed me to overcome my crush. One day news spread that he was getting married. When I heard the news it didn’t disturb me. Beforehand, I thought if I ever heard of him marrying another I would crawl under my bed and sob for the rest of my life. I was that infatuated with him.
So how did I get over it?
I loved myself enough to guard my heart. I didn’t need to be wherever he was. If he was the one for me, God knew how to find me. Having faith in God is essential to getting over a crush. My focus shifted to ministry, my education, writing, and family. I resolved my crush for what it was.
The Encarta Dictionary defines “Crush “as an Object of somebody’s temporary romantic attraction… the person who is the object of somebody’s temporary romantic infatuation.
My crush was temporary and the feeling was NOT mutual. I gave him opportunity to approach me. I smiled and laughed at his jokes. Surely he got the hint. But after awhile I got the picture. As much as I felt that I could have loved him, he was not the one God kept for me.
We have to watch those “feelings”. They are tricky. (Smile)
Let God be who you think about all day. Keep Him the center of your life. What God has for you is for you and He will not fail to deliver. Love YOURSELF enough and trust GOD enough to let go and get over it.
-Candra E.
For new readers who are curious as to how my singles journey ended, read Our Love Story.
