Humor Magazine

Getting Out of Doing Dishes If You're a Guy

By Dailydoseofmusings @mythoughts4sure

If you're like me you absolutely hate doing the dishes. I'm not married nor do I have a live-in lady friend, so I don't have an automatic dishwasher. I do have a dishwasher (appliance), but since it's really only me and my youngest at times, I can't justify running the dishwasher (appliance) for just a few dishes, it would most likely take three-four days to fill it. (I am actually quite surprised at how many people still wash their dishes by hand verses dishwasher.)
Most of my good friends are married or have girlfriends and if I play my 'poor lonely me' card right, I get invite for dinners. If I turn on the charm and really play my cards right, I get take out/home packages too when I leave for the evening! Thus... no dishes.
Like myself, most of my close friends don't like doing dishes either and they will do just about anything to avoid them, including making up rather bizarre excuses to faking tummy aches because they ate too much because her cooking was so good.
Guys, trust me from experience, its not acceptable when your woman asks about getting a dishwasher you respond by saying "I thought I married one". This will not improve your life and you will most likely go without 'nookie' that night.
I have taught these step by step instructions to my close friends whose wife/girlfriend/significant other used to ask them to do dishes, but they do them no more. Men of the world unit! You want to get out of doing dishes, follow these steps:
1.  The first step begins when your wife/lady friend/significant other asks you to do the dishes. Jump up out of your chair and say "I got this Sweetheart!" while kissing her on her forehead. Be sure to thank her for the delicious meal!

2.  Now, make sure you put way too much soap in the sink so it bubbles over a bit this way your woman will assume that your making a mess because you're doing the dishes. Also, use moderately warm water and constantly complain while your doing the dishes that the water is too HOT for your sensitive hands. Look back at her, smile... blow her a kiss.
3.  Make sure you do a good job with your kids dishes cause you really don't want them using partially cleaned dishes. But when your doing the dishes that both you and your woman use, leave a few rice nuggets, or some cheese, something that indicates that you did a poor job on washing the dishes. 
4.  After you wash the dishes or partially wash the dishes, just place the dishes directly on the counter top without using any sort of towel to catch the dripping water. This may seem minor to us men but its a huge NO NO for women. (Pretend not to see the dish rack if there is one.)
5.  OK men, now it's time to put the damn dishes away. You may have lived in the house for as long as your woman has but pretend that its the first time you have ever entered the kitchen. Put the plates where the cups go, cups where the plates go, don't line up the Tupperware and just throw the cutlery wherever. I think you get the drift.
THIS IS A WARNING!!!! YOU WILL GET A TONGUE LASHING FROM YOUR WOMAN WHEN SHE SEE'S HOW YOU DID THE DISHES. The best defense for this is our best attribute, just act dumb. "What do you mean you sexy Goddess of mine?" "That doesn't go there?"

6.  The final step occurs the next time your woman says, I really don't want to do the dishes. Jump up from your seat and say " I Got This Babe". She is sure to say "Oh NO you wont, not after last time". Act hurt feelings, lower your head, try not to smile while you are secretly saying on the inside "mission accomplished!!!".
I can rest my head tonight knowing that I have contributed something to the well-being of men everywhere!


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Big Food Giants Manipulate Public Health Policy in China

    Food Giants Manipulate Public Health Policy China

    Coca-Cola is at it again. As soda sales decline in the United States and Europe, beverage companies look to emerging economies like China for growth. And, it... Read more

    13 hours, 51 minutes ago by   Dietdoctor
    DIET & WEIGHT, HEALTH, HEALTHY LIVING, MEDICINE
  • Jewellery for a Precious You

    Jewellery Precious

    Jewellery is always close to a woman’s heart. It completes her look and boost confidence. Considering the changing trends in jewellery fashion, it becomes... Read more

    13 hours, 56 minutes ago by   Dr.jenifer Sayyed
    LIFESTYLE
  • Rajshri Productions’ Next Is A Film On Friendship | Hum Chaar | Trailer

    Abhishek Dixit’s debut feature film Hum Chaar is a Bollywood film made under the banner of Rajshri’s film. Hum Chaar is written and directed by Abhishek Dixit. Read more

    14 hours, 15 minutes ago by   Themoviean
    ENTERTAINMENT, MOVIES
  • Saint Paul the First Hermit

    Saint Paul First Hermit

    Today is the feast day of Saint Paul the hermit. This is a sweet and delicate Oatmeal Bread topped with rolled oats and naturally sweetened with agave. Saint... Read more

    14 hours, 20 minutes ago by   Veronica46
    FOOD & DRINK, RECIPES
  • Irupathiyonnaam Noottaandu | Teaser | Pranav Mohanlal | Arun Gopy

    Arun Gopy’s Irupathiyonnaam Noottaandu is an upcoming Malayalam action-drama feature film starring Pranav Mohanlal and Zaya David in the lead roles. Read more

    15 hours, 5 minutes ago by   Themoviean
    ENTERTAINMENT, MOVIES
  • A Year Of Body Positivity

    Year Body Positivity

    Last January, as I sat there on New Years eve all set to make the same old resolutions I've made year after year for as long as I can remember, I realised how... Read more

    15 hours, 11 minutes ago by   Sparklesandstretchmarks
    DIARIES, SELF EXPRESSION
  • Garden Bloggers Bloom Day – Jan 2019

    Garden Bloggers Bloom 2019

    Euphorbia rigidaWhen I went out to take the photos for this blog post I was surprised at how much was in flower dotted around the garden. Read more

    16 hours, 35 minutes ago by   Patientgardener
    GARDENING, HOME