Just after I sat down in the waiting room, I saw an old friend of mine walk in
I haven't seen her in months
Maybe even years
My knee jerk reaction was to bury my head in the magazine I was reading
It's a reaction that I can't help
It's not that I didn't want to see her
I think it's a shame thing
Shame for not keeping in contact
For weighing the same as a baby elephant
Out of the corner of my eye I saw her approach me and sit down beside me
She envelopes me in a big hug
I had heard that she had relapsed back in to bulimia
She's in the same boat as me
We talked for a while
Compared war stories
She said that she felt so bad that she had gained weight but in my eyes she had lost weight
She told me that I was 'fading to nothing'
She hopes to go to treatment
This thing has almost broken her
I showed her the magazine I was reading (Slimming World) and we laughed
It was so nice to see her
To sit and talk to someone who gets it
To know that I'm not the only one who feels this way
Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to have the support here but it's not the same as sitting down with someone and having a cuppa and a chat
It's not the same as a hug
Her doctor called her and she was gone
I wondered when I would see her again
It got me thinking about friendship and how important it is
My social life online is very active and I have lots of friends who I am in contact with every day
But I have neglected my real life friends
I just haven't been able to socialize
I know some of you meet up sometimes and I would love to do that but I don't know of anyone that lives in this country
I was contacted a few months ago by a girl who lives a couple of hours away
We emailed back and forth
I suggested to her that we meet up sometime and I never heard back from her and she hasn't emailed me since
I wondered if I had scared her off
It is difficult to hold on to friendships when you are eating disordered
Along with the disorder often comes depression and anxiety and that makes it tough to socialize
Losing weight and maintaining my disorder became my priority and I distanced myself from a lot of my friends
I guess that was one of the main reasons that I started writing my blog
I was lonely
I needed to talk to people in the same situation as me
And I have found many amazing friends here
But I think as great as they are, it is no substitute for real life friends
It takes me a while to build a friendship
I'm naturally quite a shy person when I first meet someone so it takes a bit of work for me to become comfortable around them
And I'm not very good in groups
Ideally I'd like to speak to someone one on one
I tend to get on better with people who are older than me
When I said this to Mary she said that it was probably because I compared myself to people my own age
That's true I think
My friend is thinking of going in to treatment, the same as me
It's hard to see her struggling so much as she was always such a positive influence in my life
It just goes to show that anyone can relapse
Anyone can slip
It's scary
I have no doubt though that she will get back on track on
And hopefully I will too
I was wondering about you
Have you managed to hold on to your friendships?
Do you spend more time with on line friendships that real life ones?
Do you meet up with people that you've met on line?
