BREAKING NEWS!!!
Wash. DC – Over the past year a rash of news stories surfaced speculating whether gold-medal winning Olympic decathlete Bruce Jenner, 65, is undergoing a gender transition from male to female. Though Jenner has yet to publicly confirm the story, members of his extended family, including the Kardashian clan, have recently approached various news outlets confirming Jenner’s intention.
Now it appears a number of world leaders have picked up on the story and are wondering aloud “What will happen to Jenner’s balls if he completes the transition?”
Sources this week quoted Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu as suggesting it would be a monumental step if Jenner were to donate his balls to U.S. President Barack Obama. Netanyahu said, “Everyone knows Obama has no balls and it would be damn nice if he suddenly had Olympic sized balls. It would be a huge step forward for world peace. ”
German Chancellor Angela Merkel remarked, ” I don’t even have any balls, but everyone tells me I have a bigger set than Obama. I think it would be a great idea.”
On the other hand, Russian President Vladimir Putin joined Syrian President Bashar Assad in proclaiming that Obama’s lack of balls has finally enabled a number of regimes worldwide a fair chance to consolidate their power. Putin, on a shirtless fly fishing expedition in Kamchatka, said, “The days of U.S. Presidents with big balls like Reagan are over. Now it’s our turn.”
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani remarked earlier in the week that “It’s been great the last six years. It’s like playing soccer against the U.S. with no goalie in their net. ”
While world leaders debate the issue, closer to home New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Super Bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady stepped forward to say they would each donate one ball to the President if Jenner does not come through. Belichick, however, cautioned that “The President would have to understand, our balls would be underinflated, but still probably an improvement over the pair he has.”
H/t FOTM’s maziel
~Eowyn
