When my sister came home from college the first time, I had so many questions. How were the dorms? How were her friends? Had she met anybody special? She answered them all honestly and had mostly good things to say, but her college life thus far seemed to be most notably informed by rushing a sorority.
Rush week was torturous and stressful for her. She walked from house to house just to be incessantly judged at each one, which doesn’t exactly sound like my idea of fun. She received a bid from one of her top choices and became integrated into Greek life. She soon found that frat parties are a central aspect of this lifestyle. But what she found at these parties proved that behind the shiny exterior of Greek life exists a more sinister core.
While at a frat party with a guy friend, who is in a fraternity himself, the two witnessed another frat brother drugging multiple girls’ drinks. There were hundreds of people at this party, she told me, so many other people must have seen this happening. Yet no one came forward until my sister’s friend walked up to the frat brother in question and told him that what he was doing wasn’t right.
His choice to intervene seemed to come as a shock to many of the frat boys watching. The sad truth is that in many fraternities, sexual assault is joked about and even, in a sense, normalized. Many men involved in fraternities see woman in sororities as sexually available to them. This may in no small part be because of the exclusivity and entitlement at the heart of Greek life: if you made it past those many rounds of judgment, then a certain type of privilege is expected in return.
My sister and I both wholeheartedly agree that her friend who called out the guy drugging girls’ drinks was right to do so, but our views diverged when she described this act to me as “chivalrous.” I explained to her that his act wasn’t chivalrous but the morally correct thing to do and what anybody and everybody at the party should have done. I told her that there was a difference between being “chivalrous” and doing what was right. Chivalry is about going the extra mile to be of service to another in some way. Doing what is right should be the baseline of what is expected of every single human being. What her friend did wasn’t merely “good manners,” it was necessary. That many women today apparently regard a man who is morally correct as “chivalrous” honestly makes me feel sick. If morality is above and beyond, what are we accepting as normal?
It also made me sad that it hadn’t even occurred to my sister that ideally dozens of people at that party who also witnessed this act should have come forward, not just one single guy. Rather than question the entitlement of this social group, who were taught women are just toys at the disposal of men, and push back on the idea that her friend “saving” those girls was impressive, she told me this story like it was a notable triumph and was “impressed” because “most guys wouldn’t defend a girl against another frat brother.”
The chilling fact is that statistically, fraternity brothers rape 300% more and women in sororities are 74% more likely to be raped than other women. I’m not saying that everybody who joins a fraternity is a rapist or will sexually assault girls in sororities. In fact, Greek life’s values of brotherhood, sisterhood and friendship are noble. I’m saying that this social system has undeniably been tainted by sexual assault — a fact to which many girls involved in sororities and who have attended fraternity parties can attest.
Rather than turn a blind eye to this reality, Greek members need to address it head on — especially fraternity brothers. It’s never okay to assault a woman no matter what delusional values are imparted about your “rights” as fraternity members. If your fraternity is really centered around “brotherhood” and “friendship” as you claim it is, then prove it. Make your fraternity about these positive values rather than violating the basic rights of women.
