I’m in love with a sex worker, and we’ve decided we are going to live together and she is going to retire and pursue a “normal” career. Despite having a degree and being intelligent and capable, she’s concerned about getting work; I’ve told her I don’t have a problem with her seeing her more trustworthy regulars from time to time until she feels financially comfortable. I’d be willing to support her completely, but financial independence is very important to her and she has said she doesn’t want to rely on me for support. She reads your website avidly, so I wonder if you have any advice for us?
My biggest concern about the situation as described is that it’s nearly always a bad idea for a sex worker to stop working for love. I did it, and it set the stage for two separate financial debacles in 2004 and 2008; we still haven’t yet recovered from the second one. I’ve also seen others do it, with results ranging from OK to disastrous. If your lady wants to quit sex work for other reasons that have nothing to do with you, well and fine; but if the sole reason she’s quitting to pursue a relatively low-paying “normal” job (in a bad economy, yet) is because of your relationship, she is making a mistake (potentially a very serious one). The stress, drudgery and inadequate compensation of a “straight” job are likely to lead to resentment against you even if she makes the choice of her own free will, and if y’all get into dire financial straits because of the lesser income that resentment will be quadrupled. Obviously, the choice should be hers and hers alone; neither you nor I nor her non-sex worker friends have any right to push her in either direction. But she needs to deeply consider the potential consequences to her, to you, to your finances and to your relationship if she leaves a well-paid job for which she’s temperamentally suited in favor of a less-remunerative one for which she isn’t.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
