Flatline

I have been trying to find a way to best put a sentence together that says “Has it really been two weeks already?” but I’ve got nothing. Much like our heart beat life has it’s ups and downs. It’s the very nature of life. Lately mine has felt like a valley of lows. A flatline of struggles that has me waiting for the upward incline of joy. Last week I had one. I was walking to work, bundled up in my thick striped scarf, when a gust of wind swirled dozens of tiny leaves across my path. The sound and the motion of them for some reason brought tears to my eyes. I was in a new season. The weather had changed, and I was here to see it. I had actually survived my car accident, and I had lived to see another season. And then I got the news that my grandfather had passed away this weekend. We hadn’t spoken since my car accident, and I won’t deny that I wasn’t hurt by that. I could have called him. I kept meaning to. I cried myself to sleep last night. I desperately need joy in my life. I need magic. And I need to be able to believe that I’m not a burden on the ones that I need the most at this time.