Hair & Beauty Magazine

FFS Friday - The Case of the Missing Cervix

By Glossqueen @Gloss_Queen
Hello Friday. Time for me to get my whinge on again.
You may remember a few weeks ago I mentioned that I turned the swimming pool green. Turns out it wasn't my fault! Not FFS.
The day before Tiger left, the pool ran out of chlorine which he didn't replace and didn't bother telling me. FFS.
No wonder the pool turned green! FFS.
As soon as he put more chlorine in it went back to normal. Not FFS.
I've been unsure about posting this, but since I have no shame I'm going to. If you don't like hearing about girl bits I suggest you stop reading now and come back next week.
A few weeks ago bub and I went for our six week check-up. Whilst we were there I was going to have a Mirena put in but it didn't happen because they couldn't find my cervix. FFS.
Yes, that's right, my cervix hid. Clever thing. FFS.
There I was laying on the table at the Dr's surgery, naked from the waist down, whilst the Dr tried to find my cervix. FFS.
He reassured me that I definitely have a cervix as I'd just given birth a few weeks ago and couldn't have done that if I didn't have a cervix. FFS.
Good to know.
After he had a good look and feel to locate my missing cervix, the nurse had a look to see if she could find it, but she couldn't either. FFS.
Then the Dr went and got another Dr to see if she could find my cervix. FFS.
She managed to find it and showed my Dr. Not FFS.
I was laying on the table, legs spread, with two Dr's bent down looking up my vagina trying to see my cervix. FFS.
See, my life is all fun and games.
Since they couldn't find my cervix, I have to see a gynaecologist to get the Mirena put in. FFS.
I rang the gyno's office to make an appointment and was told that I couldn't make an appointment, I had to take my referral in and once they'd received my referral the Dr would look at it, decide if he would see me and then I'd receive a letter with an appointment time. FFS.
It took two weeks to receive the letter and the appointment isn't for another four weeks. FFS.
Chai is potty training at the moment as he's decided it's time. I was hoping he would wait until summer but he's decided the time is now. FFS/Not FFS.
His preferred method is to run around the house pantless, which isn't ideal with the cold weather. FFS.
Much ceremony is made of him using the potty and then washing the contents down the toilet, which is his favorite part. Being the independent little chap he is, he likes to take the full potty and flush it down the toilet himself. You can imagine how much mess he makes. FFS.
He tries his best the carefully carry the potty to the toilet, but every time we end up with wee spilled all over the place. FFS.
Thank goodness we have tiles! Not FFS.
Those of you who follow me on Instagram will know that we got a new washing machine. It's so high tech that I need to read the operating manual each time I need to do a load of washing. FFS.
It also has buttons that Chai can reach, so yesterday he started the machine up again just after it'd finished, and got all the clothes soaking wet. FFS.
I've been looking for a job lately. FFS.
Obviously this is a crazy idea and not possible considering I have a nine week old baby that I'm breastfeeding and no-one to look after my children. FFS.
I know I can't have a job, but that hasn't stopped me looking. FFS.
There are no suitable jobs around. FFS.
Which shouldn't bother me as I can't have a job at the moment anyhow, but it does. FFS.
Clearly I'm going a little bit crazy. FFS.
Last Saturday I went out to the shops with bub, all on my own. Not FFS.
It was bliss. Not FFS.
I fed bub before I left and when I got to the shopping center I put him in the carrier so he could go to sleep. As we were walking in the doors of the shopping center he spewed all down the front of me. FFS.
It went down my top, between my boobs and pooled in the bottom of my bra. FFS.
I considered going home to get changed, but since I never get to go out without an entourage, I wasn't willing to give that up so I cleaned up the spew and went shopping. FFS.
I figured that bub was attached to my front so no-one could see the spew anyhow. FFS.
Then I went straight into The Body Shop and put on some perfume so I didn't smell like spew. Clever. Not FFS.
I was also forced to buy some more of the Honeymania products to help me get over the trauma of being spewed on. Not FFS.
Whilst I was out I had to go to the supermarket. It was packed. FFS.
They only had four checkouts open (not counting the 12 items or less ones). FFS.
I waited in the queue for 30 minutes. FFS.
Just as I was paying they opened more checkouts. FFS.
I'll never go to that Woolworths on a Saturday again. FFS.
(For those of you in Bunbury it's the Woolworths at the Forum).
Yesterday Mum, Chai, Eljay and I all went out to meet up with Su. Not FFS.
I'm sick of lugging around a heavy nappy bag that I rarely use, so I put a nappy and some wipes in my handbag and left the nappy bag in the car. So of course Chai had a poo explosion that went all over his clothes. FFS.
I cleaned that up and only had one wipe left, then he spewed all over himself, me and Mum. FFS.
Should have know something like that would happen the one time I didn't have the nappy bag with me. FFS.
Remember how I was saying about my broken computer last week? It's still broken. FFS.
My brother couldn't fix it so I called another computer shop who told me they can fix it no problems, it's a common problem with HP computers and they have no idea why the other computer shop said they can't fix it. FFS.
Hopefully I'll have my computer back soon. In the meantime I'm using Tiger's stupid computer. I really don't like the new windows, it's so un user friendly. FFS
We want to get a dog for Chai so have been looking around since we moved into our house. The plan was to get a rescue dog that wasn't very old and we found a few that we liked. Despite our best efforts, neither of the rescue places called us back and we couldn't get an address for them. FFS.
We called and left messages for two weeks to no avail, so now we're getting a puppy. From Kojonup. That's at least three hours drive from us. FFS.
It'll be eight weeks when we get it. So basically I'll have a third child to look after in all my spare time. FFS.
That wraps up my weekly whinge. If you've made it this far, congratulations! Have a wonderful weekend. If you've had any FFS worthy moments, please share them below. Otherwise, head over to Sarah's blog and see what everyone else has been whinging about.
Dear Baby G

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