FFS Friday - Somebody Hold Me

This weeks FFS Friday post is a pretty pathetic attempt because after the last two spectacularly entertaining weeks, this week has been rather tame. Not FFS.
I'm not complaining. 
In order to keep you all happy, I've managed to find a few things to whinge about. Rest assured that once Tiger goes back to work I'm sure all manner of things will go wrong again and FFS Friday will be back to normal.
You may have noticed that this weeks post is a little late. FFS.
I went to write it last night but my computer was downloading 13 updates. FFS.
I left it to do it's thing, planning to write my post first thing this morning. When I turned it on it had 19375 updates to apply. FFS.
19375? WTF? FFS.
It finished that and I thought I was good to go, but then it spent a considerable amount of time Preparing to Configure Windows and then Configuring Windows Updates. FFS.
Half an hour later I could finally use my computer. FFS.
Last week I mentioned that I broke the vacuum. FFS.
We took it in for repair and they don't know when we'll get it back. FFS.
Despite my general aversion for housework, not having a vacuum is really inconvenient. FFS.
It does however, give me a great excuse for having a permanently messy house. Not FFS.
No vacuum means that I can't mop the floors because they need vacuuming first. Bonus! Not FFS.
My MIL talks baby talk to Eljay. FFS.
You know that stupid baby talk, in that stupid voice "who's a cute little bubby hey? Who's a cute little boy" and all manner of other stupid things. FFS.
It drives me crazy. FFS.
Chai has started doing it now. FFS.
It's actually quite cute when he does it. Not FFS.
Eljay is mobile now. FFS.
I am so not ready for this. FFS.
He's not crawling properly, he's commando crawling but he can get wherever he wants to go. FFS.
I am so not ready for this. FFS.
Somebody hold me. 
Eljay being mobile has got me thinking about baby proofing the house. FFS.
It's already pretty baby proof because of Chai, but there is the problem of Chai. FFS.
He leaves things laying around all the time. FFS.
Little things that could easily choke Eljay. FFS.
So now I'm constantly walking around the house searching for and picking up little things that could choke my baby. FFS.
It also means that my Mummy Paranoia has kicked itself into high gear again. FFS.
Whenever I put Eljay down, if I don't hear him for a minute I'm convinced he's choked on something. FFS.
I frantically check on him, convinced that I'll find him dead. FFS.
I find him happily chewing on a toy, a piece of furniture, his foot etc. Not FFS.
My Mummy Paranoia also means that I'm constantly checking on him when he's asleep. FFS.
It's ridiculous. FFS.
I'll walk into the room, see him move but still wait to check that he's breathing. FFS.
Cause if he wasn't breathing I'm sure he'd still move. FFS.
Gotta love Mummy Paranoia.
That's all I can muster up for today. I hope you all have a beautiful weekend.
If you'd like to read more whinges, head on over to Sarah and Brads blog. 
If you've had any FFS worthy moments, please tell me all about them.