This is episode 367 of Things That Only Happen When Tiger Is Away. AKA FIFO Sucks.
It all started last night. I was tired but still didn't manage to get to bed until 9.30pm. FFS.
Eljay was stirring so I didn't get to sleep and he woke up at 10pm. FFS.
Usually when he wakes up I can lay him down and resettle him but he wouldn't settle, he wanted to be cuddled. I picked him up to cuddle him and in thanks he spewed. FFS.
All down my back, through my hair, over my pants, all over him and on the carpet. FFS.
I took him into the bathroom so I could clean us up and he spewed again. FFS.
He cried every time I put him down so I got changed whilst holding him, then cleaned him up and put him back to sleep. There was spew all over the carpet but I couldn't clean it up because the boys were asleep, so I covered it in towels. The whole room stunk like spew. Nice. FFS.
I couldn't have a shower to get the spew out of my hair, so I stunk too. FFS.
Half an hour later he woke up and spewed all over both of us again. FFS.
I got us both cleaned up, got him back to sleep and ten minutes later he spewed over us again. FFS.
Then I couldn't get him back to sleep. FFS.
Just to make things even more interesting, Chai woke up too and wanted to be cuddled back to sleep. FFS.
Eljay refused to lay in his cot because I'd put a towel in it, so I covered my bed in towels and got him to sleep on my chest. I had him on one side and Chai on the other side. FFS.
By the time I got everyone settled it was 2am and I hadn't been to sleep. FFS.
Thankfully we all slept from 2am to 5.30am. Not FFS.
Eljay was sick again in the morning. FFS.
Thankfully he was only sick once then seemed to be okay. Not FFS.
I got both the boys breakfast and as I was walking through the kitchen I stepped on something soft and squishy. I didn't think much of it because the kids are always dropping something on the floor. Little did I know. FFS.
A few minutes later I was sitting there drinking my much needed coffee when I saw maggots on the floor. You have to be kidding me! Maggots in my house! FFS!
I have no idea where they came from but they were all through the kitchen, dining room and lounge room. FFS.
Thankfully after my previous encounters with them I knew that boiling water is the way to get rid of them, so I boiled the jug and killed them all. Not FFS.
Having said that, I'm still finding a few rouge ones around the house. FFS.
It was 1pm before I'd finished doing the spew washing, cleaning the spew off the carpet and demaggoting the house. FFS.
Then I finally got to have a shower and wash the spew out of my hair. Not FFS.
So, that's been my day today. Please tell me you've had a wonderful day.
