WooHoo, look at me! I actually managed to get my FFS Friday post published on a Friday! I have lots to complain about so let's get into it. I mentioned last week that we went away for a few days. What a nightmare. FFS.
I'm never going away again. FFS.
Going away with kids is no fun at all. FFS.
Especially now that Eljay screams the whole time we are in the car. FFS.
We headed out Thursday morning. I fed Eljay and put him in the car nearly asleep. Thankfully he screamed for a few minutes then fell asleep. Not FFS.
We were halfway there when he woke up and started screaming. FFS.
Tiger wanted to look at some cars and I refused to go with him, so when Eljay started screaming we decided the best thing would be for him to drop Eljay and I off at the train station then he could come and meet us in the city once he'd finished looking at cars. Not FFS.
Naturally, that was the one time Chai decided that he wanted to come with me instead of stay with Tiger. FFS.
We managed to convince him it'd be better to stay with Daddy. Not FFS.
I got down to the platform and was sitting there feeding Eljay when a lady sat next to me and asked if he was my baby. FFS.
No, I just stole a random baby and started breastfeeding it, as you do. FFS.
I also stole a baby bag, pram and vomit stained top whilst I was at it. FFS.
I get that she was trying to be friendly, but really? FFS.
She then had a phone conversation that went like this "Hey baby, you coming over to my place? I text you my address." Then she pulled out another mobile phone, made a phone call and spoke rapidly in another language for a minute then hung up. So she was either a drug dealer or a prostitute. FFS.
We stayed in a hotel for two nights. It was one we'd stayed at in the past and had a bad experience, more fool us for going back there again. FFS.
They claim to be refurbished however there was mold in the shower, one of the beds was so old that when you sat on it you nearly hit the floor and the air conditioner wouldn't turn off. FFS.
That night just before he went to bed Chai poured a whole glass of water all over my bed. FFS.
Tiger decided that he needed to get a sim card for his tablet which meant hanging around the Telstra shop. FFS.
Chai was playing on the stools there when he dropped on right on the top of my foot. FFS.
A week later it's still really sore (probably because he keeps on kneeing it, stepping on it and dropping things on the same spot). FFS.
To my great annoyance, the bruise is barely visible. FFS.
If I'm going to be in so much pain I could at least have an impressive bruise and get some sympathy for it! FFS.
After Tiger had got his sim card and signed a twelve month contract, we discovered that the sim card reader in his tablet is broken. FFS.
Telstra won't cancel the contract. FFS.
It's going to cost $80 to get the sim card reader fixed. FFS.
Whilst we were in the city Tiger got a massage twice. This meant that I was left alone with both the kids. Chai is never happy to be away from Tiger so complained the whole time Tiger was getting his massage. FFS.
Saturday morning was Tigers second massage. It was at 8.15am. Nothing is open at 8.15am. FFS.
The massage place is at a shopping centre, so Chai, Eljay and I were wandering around the closed shopping center. We went to the supermarket and Big W as they were the only shops open. FFS.
I'd bribed Chai to stop crying for Daddy by promising to get him a car. Whilst we were looking at the cars I was suddenly busting to do a poo. FFS.
It was so bad that I thought I was going to poo myself. FFS.
I looked around madly but there were no toilets in sight and no staff members to ask if there was a toilet it the store. FFS.
I had to go so badly that I couldn't even walk. FFS.
I stood there wondering what the hell I was going to do, it was that desperate that I thought I'd have to go in my undies, take them off and then buy a new pair of undies. I kid you not. FFS.
After about 30 seconds I managed to be able to move and started making a swift dash for the exit. On the way past I grabbed a pair of undies in case I didn't make it. FFS.
Chai was screaming at the top of his voice because I hadn't got him a car. FFS.
He already had all the cars that were there, but despite me telling him that he was not happy. He also didn't understand my urgency to go to the loo, naturally. FFS.
By some miracle I managed to make it to the loo. Do you think the loo in the parents room could fit a shopping trolley? No! FFS.
In sheer desperation I managed to wedge the trolley into the toilet and sat down in relief. Not FFS.
Chai started crying, dry retching and telling me that he wanted to get out of the toilet cause of the smell. Eljay (who was attached to me in the baby carrier) also chose that time to start crying. FFS.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the whole time this had been going on Eljay had been in the carrier breastfeeding. FFS.
When we finally got home on Saturday, Chai disappeared. Tiger found him in the car. He'd found my lip gloss, eaten some, painted his lips and both of his legs with it. FFS.
Thankfully it was only one I'd got free with a magazine. Not FFS.
Monday night I was cleaning up the kitchen when I managed to drop a plastic cutting board down the back of the stove. FFS.
I have skills. It's such a tiny space I'm sure I couldn't do it again if I wanted to. FFS.
Tiger pulled the stove forward and I tried to get the board with the tea bag tongs. I just managed to make it fall further down. FFS.
Thankfully Tiger discovered that the stove is on legs and he could get behind there so salvaged the cutting board. Not FFS.
I must admit I was slightly disappointed as I'd been looking forward to not being able to do any cooking. FFS.
Tuesday Tiger went back to work. FFS.
By 6.30pm Chai had wee'd all over the floor three times, the lounge suite once and the rug once. FFS.
As I was washing the dishes I heard a splash and turned around to see that Chai had got his medicine down, got a spoon, taken the child proof lid off and tried to pour himself some. FFS.
In the attempt, he'd poured nearly the whole bottle all over himself, the floor and the cupboards. FFS.
The medicine is red so he looked like he was bleeding. FFS.
Last night I managed to drop a kilo of rice all over the pantry. FFS.
it went all over the shelves and the floor. FFS.
Since the floor is not very clean I had to throw it all out. FFS.
It's the only time I've bought the expensive, organic rice. FFS.
No doubt it wouldn't have happened if I'd just bought my usual, supermarket brand cheap rice. FFS.
That's the end of my whinging for the week. If you've made it this far, congratulations.
For those of you who want to read more whinges, head over to Sarah's blog.
