Hair & Beauty Magazine

FFS Friday - I Have No Words

By Glossqueen @Gloss_Queen
This week you get a bonus FFS Friday post. Come back tomorrow for the Maggot Invasiont. I was going to post the Maggot Invasion and save this post for next week, but this week has been so eventful that I couldn't keep it all to myself for another week. The Maggot Invasion was so spectacular that it deserves it's own post, so there will be a FFS Friday post tomorrow as well. Believe me when I say you'll want to read it!
Just for a change, last fortnight Tigers work got his pay wrong. FFS.
Unsurprisingly, they underpaid him. By $800. FFS.
Then when they paid him the $800 they took half of it in tax. FFS.
Wednesday I got a bill for power at our previous address. I thought I'd paid it off, so I called Synergy who told me (after a great deal of questioning from me) the account at that address was still in my name. FFS.
Despite me speaking to them several times and putting in a disconnection request, it hadn't been done. FFS.
They told me there was nothing I could do about it and I had to ask the new owners for the money! FFS.
And really, you'd think the new owners would have put the account into their name! FFS.
I was sofa king pissed off. The bill for the new owners is $292.25 and Synergy won't refund me the money as it's a "third party dispute". FFS.
You are kidding me! FFS.
This swing Tiger left his car at home. This means that Chai is convinced Daddy is home or coming home soon. FFS.
The poor baby thinks that Daddy is home every time he hears a car or see's Tiger's car in the driveway. It breaks my heart. FFS.
You know how everyone talks about the terrible two's? They lied. It's the tyrannical three's! FFS.

Oh My Goodness, if Chai is going to carry on the way he has been recently for the next twelve months, I will not survive. FFS.

He's driving me nuts! FFS.

Constantly whinging, yelling and carrying on about nothing in particular. FFS.

I have no tolerance for that sort of behavior. FFS.

Last Friday I was totally over solo parenting so decided to get us out of the house. I took the boys to the indoor playground so that Chai could burn off some energy. Not FFS.
He decided that he didn't want to wear a nappy or pull-ups, he was going to wear "big boy jocks". It was the first time we'd been out without him wearing a nappy so I was a little concerned, but I trust that he knows what he's ready to do and when he's ready to do it. I took a spare pair of undies and shorts just in case. Not FFS.
We were at the playground for four hours and Chai had a ball. I asked him every half an hour if he needed to go to the toilet and each time he said that he didn't. When he hadn't had an accident after 3 1/2 hours I was super impressed. Not FFS.
After four hours I was about to take him to the toilet when he announced that he didn't want to use the toilet, he was just going to do a wee in his big boy pants and that's exactly what he did. FFS.
Thankfully his undies and shorts soaked it all up so I didn't have to clean up wee, I just had to wipe him down and change his pants. Not FFS.
Usually when we are at the playground I get to sit down for a few minutes whilst Chai plays, but this time he wanted me with him the whole time. FFS.
So there I was with my heavy nappy bag and Eljay in the carrier, following Chai around the playground. FFS.
For four and a half hours. FFS.
When he was so tired that he could barely stand up I decided it was time to go home but Chai disagreed. FFS.
He made his feelings known by yelling. FFS.
A lot. FFS.
The whole way out of the playground all I heard was "AAAARRRRRGGGGG" followed by three seconds of silence (just enough time to draw breath), then "AAAARRRRRGGGGG" followed by another three seconds of silence and so it continued. FFS.
The whole play center was staring at me. FFS.
And when I say the whole play centre, I really mean the whole play center. They all stopped what they were doing and just stared at me. FFS.
Clearly they've never seen a child screaming before. FFS.
All I could do was laugh, it really was funny. FFS.
I'm sure they all thought I was crazy. FFS.
They're probably right. FFS.

Our dishwasher is broken. FFS.

They told me that it won't be fixed for at least two weeks. FFS.

Naturally it had to be the two weeks that Tiger is away. FFS.

Monday they called and said that the parts are in and can they come around Wednesday? I was super excited at the thought of getting my dishwasher back a week early and in anticipation I didn't wash the dishes Tuesday night. The guy came over Wednesday and picked up my dishwasher to take it back to the workshop for repairs. FFS.
He said it'd be fixed that day but they'd need a few days to test it so it'd be ready Friday, which would mean I wouldn't get it back until next week. FFS.
I got it back yesterday! Winning!
Our vacuum is broken too. FFS.
I cleverly broke it. FFS.
Now I'm just waiting for a third piece of household equipment to break. FFS.
As long as it's not my coffee machine I'll be okay. FFS. 
It's a sad reflection of my social life that I'm very upset about the guy who runs the Foxtel stand at the shopping center leaving. FFS.
Sounds strange but Tiger and I met him when he sorted our Foxtel for us and since then every time I'm at the shopping center I stop and we have a chat. A lot of the time he's the only adult that I speak to face to face all day, or even all week. FFS.
Now he's gone I have no-one to talk to. FFS.
I am seriously considering befriending the new Foxtel guy, but that would just be strange. FFS.
Chai has a thing for laying on top of Eljay. FFS.
Every time I put Eljay on the floor Chai lays on him. FFS.
I'm sure I say "Chai, get off him" at least 50 times a day. FFS.
If Eljay turns out super skinny I'll know it's from Chai squashing him. FFS.
After the Maggot incident on Sunday, I was hoping for a less exciting day Monday, but it was not to be. FFS.
First thing in the morning I was feeding Eljay and putting him to sleep when Chai came in to tell me he'd done a poo. On the floor. FFS.
I put a screaming Eljay down and discovered that Chai had done his poo right next to the potty. FFS.
He hadn't bothered taking his shorts off so they were full of poo, there was poo all down his leg and poo all over the floor. FFS.
He told me he'd had "a little accident" but "it's okay I have a little accident". FFS.
I asked him why he hadn't used the toilet and his response was "I just decided to be naughty". Fucking brilliant. FFS.
I made him wear a nappy for the rest of the day. 
That evening I was getting Eljay changed and ready for bed when Chai came in and told me he was bleeding. FFS.
He had a blood nose and there was blood all over his face, in his mouth and all over his hand where he'd tried to wipe it. FFS.
It was bleeding quite a bit so I cleaned him up and got him to put his head back to slow the bleeding. He hated having his head back so I had to lay him down on the floor. Poor Eljay was screaming the whole time because he wanted to go to bed. FFS.
I had Chai cleaned up and the bleeding was slowing down when he spewed. And spewed. And spewed. FFS.
Then he started coughing. FFS.
At this point I realised I needed help so for the second day in a row I called my BFF and asked her to come over. Once again she was there within 2 minutes. Not FFS.
She walked in to what looked like a crime scene. FFS.
Eljay was lying on the floor screaming, Chai was on the floor screaming, there was bloody vomit all over the floor and both Chai and I were covered in blood and spew. FFS.
I had blood all over my face where Chai had coughed, there was vomit on my skirt and legs and blood all over my arms and hands. FFS.
Chai had blood all over his face, arms and hands. FFS.
My BFF took Eljay whilst Chai and I had a shower and I finally managed to get his nose to stop bleeding. Not FFS.

I had Chai settled down and was about to put Eljay to bed when the power went out. FFS.

Naturally it was a hot night too. FFS.
It didn't come back on until 9.45pm. FFS.
So we did the only sensible thing and sat in the dark having a drink and a chat. Not FFS.
We enjoyed it so much that we're going to do it again. Not FFS.

I could go on but I'll leave it there. I hope you have all had a great week. If any of you have any FFS Friday worthy moments, please tell me all about it in the comments. 

If you'd like to read more whinges, head on over to Sarah and Brad's blog.

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