Last Friday morning after another rough night with Eljay, Tiger and I were laying in bed when Chai ran in and told us that my nephew had vomited. On the carpet. FFS.
We both got up and went to investigate. When Chai was showing us where my nephew had vomited, he also vomited. FFS.
Twice. FFS.
On the carpet of course. FFS.
It was a lovely way to start the day. FFS.
That was the day we added Kahlua to our coffee. Not FFS.
Now we don't have any Kahlua left. FFS.
I put all the spew cleaning rags in the wash and when I got them out there were bits of spew all through the washing machine. FFS.
It was a good indication of how the day would pan out. FFS.
That same day our pool pump broke so we had to get it replaced. Goodbye $300 that we didn't have. FFS.
It was a totally crazy day of people running around, the pool guy coming and all sorts of things that I've successfully managed to block out of my memory. FFS.
The rest of the week was fairly quiet. Until Wednesday lunchtime. FFS.
The PIL's called Tiger and told him they were coming to stay...that afternoon. FFS.
No asking if it was okay or if we were busy, they just came on down. FFS.
That meant we had to brave the shops at 3pm on christmas eve. FFS.
You can imagine what that was like. FFS.
They've been so bloody annoying the whole time they've been here. FFS.
From the second they pulled into the driveway. FFS.
MIL parked in the middle of the driveway, blocking all access, then asked if she was in the way. FFS.
FIL got out of the car and greeted Eljay with "Hi Eliza". FFS.
Two things. 1 - he is not a girl. 2 - His name is not Eliza. FFS.
He's been calling him Eliza the whole time he's been here, so now Chai has started calling Eljay Eliza too. FFS.
How hard is it to get your grandchild's name right? Clearly too hard for him. FFS.
The MIL has not shut up. FFS.
She's sitting here talking at me right now. FFS.
I'm ignoring her and she still won't shut up. FFS.
Pity I can't find my ear muffs. FFS.
She's still carrying on about feeding the dog pet meat instead of just dry food. FFS.
We had friends over for lunch so of course she had to ask them what they feed their dog and then she started carrying on about how dogs need more than just dry food. FFS.
I'm sure she thought she was being subtle. FFS.
Yesterday I was making zucchini slice for tea and she was watching me. When I put salt in she said "Did you put too much salt in?" to which I replied "No, if it was too much I wouldn't have put it in". Then she says "Oh, it looked like a lot" and I say "It wasn't". So she says "It looked like a lot of salt" and I say "Well you don't have to eat it!" FFS.
A little bit later she was washing the dishes for me. You'd think this would be a good thing but she "washes" in cold, dirty water so nothing actually gets clean. FFS.
My big salad bowl has a tiny little chip out of the inside so she wanted to throw it out because it'd "rip your finger open and you'll have to have stitches, you could even lose a finger". Seriously. FFS.
In a very sad state of affairs, yesterday Tiger and I had an argument over who got to mop the floors. FFS.
I am not joking. FFS.
We'd both got new mops (I know!) and wanted to try them out. FFS.
No idea why we were arguing about it, we have plenty of floor to go around so could have both tried out our new mops, but I was gracious and let Tiger mop the floor. FFS.
Sad, sad, sad.
I'm done. Over to you.
