Hair & Beauty Magazine

FFS Friday

By Glossqueen @Gloss_Queen
This is bonus week where you get two FFS Fridays for the price of one. We'll start with the Bali edition.
The night before we left the PILs were here driving me crazy. FFS.
I was plaiting my hair getting ready for bed when they decide to leave. FFS.
I have really long hair that takes ages to plait so I wasn't about to stop to say goodbye to them. FFS.
I'm standing there holding my half plaited hair above my head with both hands. FFS.
FIL says goodbye without any dramas, then it comes to MILs turn. FFS.
She hugs me really tight, kisses me on the cheek and when I don't hug her back she starts shaking me. FFS.
She knows I don't like her hugging or kissing me but she does it anyway. FFS.
As I'm still not hugging her back (because my hands are above my head holding my half plaited hair), she shakes me harder and says "oh come on". FFS.
I point out to her that I can't hug her as I'm in the middle of plaiting my hair. FFS.
She is very surprised and says that she didn't notice. FFS.
I inform her that I don't normally stand around with my hands in the air gripping my hair for no reason. FFS.
When we get home from Bali I re-enact this scene for Mum who assures me that it's impossible not to notice I'm doing my hair. FFS.
As you know, we went to Bali last week. We flew out at 7.30am which meant we had to be at the airport at 4.30am. FFS.
We booked a taxi for 4am, however unbeknownst to us he arrived at 3.50am and started charging us from 3.50am. Bastard. FFS.
It cost us $68 to get to the airport. FFS.
Would have been cheaper to drive there and park our car in the long term parking for a week. FFS.
Our flight was uneventful and we arrived in Bali with no problems. 
We get to what we've been told is a four star hotel and find that it is definitely not a four star hotel. FFS.
Perhaps by Bali standards it's a four star but by Aussie standards it's a three star. FFS.
On our second day there Aunt Flo arrives. Lovely, just what I need when I'm holidaying in a tropical climate and planning on swimming and having romantic times with hubby. FFS.
We spent the first few days looking for undies and singlets for hubby as he didn't take enough with him. FFS.
On the third day there I slip whilst getting into the shower (which is over the bath) and badly injured my right knee. FFS.
I couldn't move for five minutes due to the pain, so had to lay sprawled naked in the bath. FFS.
Hubby called reception and asked for ice and a bandage. They bought us two towels. FFS.
On the second go they bought us ice and a bandaid. FFS.
On the third go they bought us a gauze bandage that would barely cover my wrist let alone my knee. FFS.
On the fourth go they bought me another gauze bandage, at which point I gave up and thanked them for their help. FFS.
Hubby spent two hours trying to find a chemist to get a bandage. FFS.
We then went to three chemists before we found one with a knee brace. FFS.
They only had small or extra large, naturally I'm a medium. FFS.
We had to upgrade our room as I couldn't get into the shower. FFS. 
Everyone in the hotel somehow knew about my knee injury and every day someone I hadn't seen before would ask me how my knee was doing. FFS. 
I find out there is another hotel guest who has injured her ankle falling into a fishpond. If I had to injure myself I could at least have done it in some exotic, exciting way like she did. FFS.
I might start telling people that I fell off an elephant or twisted it wrestling a python or something. FFS.
The fourth day there I wake up with a bloodshot eye. FFS.
And then bub falls headfirst off the bed and onto the tiles. FFS.
He fell at an awful angle and I was sure he'd done serious damage to his neck. FFS.
Thankfully he was fine, tough little thing.
By that time I'd had enough and was ready to go home, but we still had five days to go. FFS.
We decided to go out and have a wander around as I refused to spend my whole holiday in the hotel. Hubby gave me a painkiller with codeine in it. I haven't taken codeine since I got Crohn's in 2007. It made me so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open. FFS.
We had to go back to the hotel because I was nearly asleep on my feet. FFS.
It knocked me out for six hours. FFS. 
We only took one pair of shoes over for bub as we were planning on buying him new ones. Despite searching around we didn't have much luck finding shoes or clothes for him. FFS.
We somehow managed to lose one of his shoes so we had to buy him crocs. FFS.
I hate to admit it but they look really cute. FFS.   
That night we went out to tea. Bub fell asleep an hour earlier than he normally does and stayed asleep in the pram the whole time we were at tea. He then woke up at 9pm and was still awake at 11.30pm. FFS.
The fifth day there I woke up with a chest cold. FFS.
At tea that night bub chucked a huge spack attack. We couldn't calm him down so had to get our meals as take away and go back to the hotel. FFS.
Thankfully the rest of the holiday wasn't too bad, other than a money changer trying to rip hubby off by $40. FFS.
When it was finally time to come home we head to the airport and sit around at the gate waiting for our flight to be called. Ten minutes after we should have been boarding hubby checks and finds out that they've been looking for us and we are about to miss our flight. FFS.
For some reason they were only calling our flight number and not the airline we were flying with, so we didn't hear the call. FFS.
When we get down to the boarding area they realise that they haven't put a tag on our pram so have to hand write one up. FFS. 
We were the last ones on the plane. FFS.
This taught me that if you wanted to sneak something onto a flight, nearly missing the plane would be the way to do it. FFS.
We forgot to take 3 drinks out of our hand luggage and they didn't even notice when they scanned everything. FFS.
Whilst on the plane I was fishing around in the seat pockets trying to find baby snacks we'd put in there. I found a drug bag with powder residue in it. FFS.
I quickly put it back into the seat pocket. FFS.
Then I realised that I'd put my fingerprints all over it so I took it out again, rubbed off my fingerprints and put it back again. Paranoid much? FFS.
In reality, the airline would have a record of who sat in what seat, so the fingerprints wouldn't make much difference. FFS.
The FIL was picking us up from the airport and was going to bring our car because it had the baby seat in it. When we land we call FIL to find out that he couldn't bring our car as he forgot our house keys so he's come to pick us up in his car, with no baby seat. FFS.
He's nowhere to be seen but insists he's at the right airport. FFS.
Half an hour later we figure out that he's at the domestic airport. FFS.
And now for this weeks whinges.
My knee is still f%*$ed. FFS.
I can't put much weight on it and it's really painful. FFS.
As it's my right knee I can't drive. FFS.
Turns out that I've torn the ligament and it is very inflamed. FFS.
No point doing things by halves. FFS.
I need to have intensive physio and hydrotherapy for the next six weeks. FFS.
Arranging that is going to be fun since I can't drive and don't have anyone to look after bub. FFS.
The Dr has put me on crutches. FFS.
You need a licence to use crutches and I don't have one. FFS.
They are so bloody difficult to use, I'm sure I'm going to do more damage to myself using the crutches than I would limping around. FFS.
I had a CT scan to confirm what was wrong with my bung knee. FFS.
Apparently Bung isn't a medical definition. FFS.
In order for the CT scan to work they had to put dye in my knee. FFS.
Thankfully they didn't tell me this before the test. FFS.
They injected it behind my kneecap, massaged it in (right on the sore spot) and then wanted me to do exercise to distribute the dye. FFS.
Clearly they missed the Drs notes telling them I had a bung knee. FFS.
If I could exercise on my knee then I wouldn't have needed to have a CT scan. FFS.
I still have a chest cold. FFS.
I've discovered that most of the other witty people who do FFS Friday posts don't start next weeks post on Friday a few hours after they've published the current weeks edition. FFS.
This makes me wonder why my life has so many FFS Friday worthy events. FFS.
Now that you've read all my whinges, click on the button below and head over to Sarah's blog to check out all the other FFS Friday posts. 
Dear Baby G

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