I’m a trans woman who’s over 50 and working as a white collar professional. It seems like every guy I meet sees me only as a sex object and nothing else, even though I don’t try to project anything like that; how can I meet people for relationships that don’t seem fetish-focused? And also, since I seem to attract that anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing a little sex work on the side; I’ve done some photography modeling and have been successful with that (no income, but well received). However, I’m really turned off by the kink I seem to attract most. What should I do?
Unfortunately, I’m afraid that having to deal with men who are only interested in us for sexual reasons is a problem all women, cis or trans, have to deal with, especially when we’re older. Guys are to a very large degree led by their sex drives, and that means women tend to attract men who are interested in whatever sets them apart from other women. So slender girls tend to attract guys who are really weight-focused, redheads attract guys who are drawn to that, and trans women attract trans fans. That’s not generally a problem when the woman is in her 20s because there are still plenty of fish in the sea, but when we get to our 50s a lot of the guys have died off (males have a higher mortality rate in every age bracket), and the great majority of the ones who are still alive are already taken. That leaves men who are divorced, still married or never married, and since there are more available women at that age than men…you get the picture. You can certainly try the usual dating sites and such, but I strongly suspect a lot of the men who try to date you will still be focused on your trans status (unless they can’t tell, in which case I advise saying nothing; it’s no more their business than any other medical issue like an abortion or an appendectomy).
As for your second question, since you’re comfortable with modeling and already had a bit of noncommercial success, I suggest investigating how you can monetize it. If you don’t really like the kind of guys who seem to be attracted to your image, that’s not nearly as big a deal in modeling as it would be in something like escorting or camming, because you’re not directly interacting with them except to sell your pictures. And even if you can’t hide your distaste for them in a one-on-one situation, it shouldn’t be any harder to negotiate poses & payment than it is to deal with annoying folks in the office where you currently work.
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