The support worker who has been assigned to work with me and my family due to social services becoming involved in my family in regards to my ex husband has been somewhat of a life saver. Easy to talk too, someone who listens and does not judge and is a mountain of knowledge, even if all she can do is tell me I am doing it right, when I feel like I am failing miserably.
My relationship with my 13 year old daughter hit rock bottom, there seemed no coming back from it. I disliked her and she hated me, yes hated me or so she told everyone and anyone who would listen. Over a year and a half I have struggled with the court case, watching time and time again how she was let down by her father and at times emotionally abused by him.
My hands were tied behind my back, court orders were placed in them, forcing me to send the children. I fought and I won for supervised contact under the watchful eye of Social services. It has been a fight, a never ending battle, leaving me some days weak and emotionally exhausted.
To then have to fight with a hormonal, moody teen as well as the other 5 children, it was a living nightmare. When I was offered support from a worker I gladly took it. Yes I felt by accepting this help and admitting I was struggling made me feel a failure, it also taught me a valuable lesson, I am human after all.
After years of fighting, struggling, trying, pleading and feeling that I had let my children down, I now have a sense of freedom. I have admitted I am struggling with my relationship with my teenage daughter and I have asked for help. That is a huge achievement for someone like me. Someone who normally would just keep struggling on.
I feel like a failure, my child hates me. She does not hate me she is angry, she is hormonal and she is pushing the boundaries. But to hear those words are heartbreaking, how else is a mother supposed to feel? I understand the root cause, the reasons and I am trying so hard to remember I am not to blame, yet we always lash out at and hurt those we love most.
I can only remain strong and be truthful and learn that I am not invincible, to accept the pain I feel is normal and to know deep down my daughter does not hate me, she is just trying to find her own realisation of this god damn mess I created for her.
My Own Personal Life Post*
