"Farting a Lot," Plus 4 More Great Tweets

i'm over my mom's house and she's farting a lot and it sounds like a tuba and i wish i were dead
— ive had sex (@diarrhea) September 15, 2013

I have a very good dilldar. (I can always tell when food has dill in it and is gay.)
— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) September 15, 2013

I always wondered what rock bottom looked like and it looks like the girl at Taco Bell recognizing you from earlier in the day
— Ginger-At-Law (@GingerAtLaw) September 14, 2013

You know you want it from Alan Thicke's son.
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) September 21, 2013

"Know what? Fuck your waistline. And fuck your fingertips, too. Like those pants? Fuck your pants." -Cheetos
— John Cheese (@johncheese) September 15, 2013

Read more great tweets here, eh?