Facebooking from the Edge....

I have only recently started using FacebookI was blissfully ignorant to it for a long time I avoided it for a few reasons The number one being that I had no life And it made me feel really lonely and envious of all the people who seemed to have these fantastic livesBasically If I had a FB account this time last yearAll I would be posting is pictures of mountains of food, toilets and vomit And let's face itThat is nothing to brag about I had nothing positive to report at allAlso I simply couldn't handle seeing images and videos of cruelty to animals These images stayed lodged in my brainAnd I literally couldn't go on knowing about the atrocities that we as humans do to animals It's a bit of a tug of war for meI don't want to know these things Yet at the same time I want to be aware of what is going onTake this morning for example I scrolled through my news feed And stumbled upon an article about animals being skinned alive in India and China To make out leather goods I broke down after reading the article I utterly despaired And did not want to be part of the human race if this is what we do to creatures that show nothing but loyalty and unconditional love I just don't understand it I really don't After the tears subside The anger sets inAnd the absolute need to do something about I signed a petition I shared it on FacebookAnd wrote a post about my feelings But it doesn't feel like enough I've been thinking about becoming vegetarian for a while now And now knowing where most of our leather comes from I'm even considering vegan ism The only thing is That I don't know the first thing about it I don't know how to cook vegan food I'm not even sure which foods are veganI just want to do something Even if it's in my own small way After this I went in to the kitchen And sat on the floor with Honey and LeaI hugged them tightly And thanked my lucky stars that I am able to give two dogs a good and loving home Anyway Look I could write for days about this But I'll stop here as I just have no more tears 
In other newsToday is Friday And I usually have a half day today But today I am off sick with some sort of bug I've had diarrhoea for about two weeks now And I just feel so tired and weakIt's nice to have a day off though Even if I don't feel all that wellSo I now have a month done of my course Some things are getting easier But I must admitI do struggle to retain informationThank you 12 years of drug abuseFor my brain like a sieve For low self esteem and confidence For an inherent inability to like myself Or to believe in myself For putting me through hellAnd not forgetting anorexia and bulimia For my weak body A malfunctioning bodyAnd for any lack of life skills Oh yesThey have treated me wellSo because of all this More often than not I feel like the class dunce I always seem to be asked the question I don't know the answer to And never the one I do know the answer toYesterday I walked away from my stable and left the door open!Our tutor shouted at me from across the yard And I felt so embarrassed But I'll never make that mistake again That's for sureI struggle with the equipment I forget the names of things During our riding lessonOur tutor had us take our feet out of our stirrups Asked us questions And we could only get our stirrups back when when answered our question correctly I had to do two laps of the arena like this And boy did I feel stupid On a positive note I am now cantering And not by accident Yesterday morning I was on a beautiful dun mare called BambinoWhat a beauty I think she has been my favorite so far She was lovely and forward to ride Responded with little effort from meJust a joy to rideI was surprised when our tutor told me to canter As if had no instructionIt was just out of the blue 'Canter at the next corner'I kicked on BambiSat in to the saddle Leg behind the girthAnd the sprang in to a canter Such a rush A definite improvement on my day
I only have a couple of photos this weekBelow is Arnie having a rest And me chillin' with Bambi.....