I lowered my head to the floor so I did not have to make eye contact with the nursery teacher when I explained to her for the first time that my children had never ran or played on concrete before.
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My heart had dropped to the pit of my stomach when they started their first day at nursery, they had an amazing outdoor play area, with play houses and sand pits and bikes, I knew my kids would just love it, but the playground was concrete.
The teacher I am sure did not look at me strangely, but then again I suppose anyone would hearing such a thing. That is correct, if out and about my kids have to hold my hand, never could they run on concrete, they may fall over.
My mind does not work like the normal mind, it works in some unusual and bizarre ways at times, well most of the time if truth be known.
I have extreme anxiety issues, mainly to do with my traumatic past and the psychosis I regularly suffer. One of the main areas this effects me is in the safety of myself and of my children.
If my children were to run, they would fall, if they fell they would become hurt. To a normal mind that is normally what happens in the first few years of life, they fall and learn to get back up again, with the help of a cuddle and a plaster, in my world, just the fear of them falling, that fall to the ground turns my world upside down.
They can run on grass as that has a soft landing I have reasoned with myself, that is where I am happier allowing the children to run, be it my 2 year old or 13 year old.
Extreme anxiety has ruined and controlled my life for many many years now. I am on medication, a new one I have just been prescribed and I hope it works, I have been told in 21 days I will start to see some positive effects.
