One morning, whilst I was in Nepal, I decided to go for a walk to Patan Durbar Square. As I waved goodbye to Hajurama, who was watching me leave from the balcony of the house, I could feel the sun’s rays beating down on the top of my head and arms. It was so hot but I kept walking through the dust and dirt to get to the beautiful temples.
When I arrived in the square I was greeted by a guard asking me to pay for a tourist entrance fee but I told him that I had a Nepali passport and swiftly walked on. In order to seek cover from the sun (and the guards!) I climbed the stairs to one of the temples and sat on the edge. I felt at peace reading my guide book swinging my legs off the side then a man came up behind me and started speaking.
M worked all day every day and he warned me if I was to leave the house then I should not talk to people. Even I had my own reservations and I was worried that the men would beg for money or ask to see my (lack of) ticket. As he continued speaking I plucked the courage to find out what this stranger wanted.
Lost in thoughts looking at the temple where I met the couple
The man sat down next to me and took my guide book. He started tracing his finger over the country map telling me about his family and which tour guide company I was with. After I told him that I was living there he asked me more about where in Nepal I had traveled and what I was up to walking around on my own. In Nepal, as soon as anyone would try to talk to me I would tell them I was with my husband who was waiting for me, just so people would get the hint.
After some time the man turned around and introduced me to his wife and his friend who were sat behind us with their backs resting on the wall of the temple. I dutifully said Namaste/Namaskar and followed the man over to his little group where we sat down. I am an antisocial person and I was finding happiness in some time alone in the square and the whole conversation was making me a little uncomfortable.
We were not alone on the temple and there were other men and women; some old, some young. They turned around and just started staring at what was going on. I felt even more uncomfortable and felt my skin crawling to be the center of attention. But then the man left me with his wife and friend. I continued sitting there to be polite as they turned the conversation back to me.
I asked her name and her job and made small talk in my poor Nepali. His wife told me that I should wear sindoor (the red powder on the hairline), potey (the necklace), and ankle bracelets that signify that a woman is married. At that point the man returned with Sprites from the local street shop. I was worried about taking an opened bottle from a stranger but he meant well and I took a little sip of the Sprite as they insisted that I drink it or they would be offended.
A mix of people in Patan Durbar Square. A normal meeting place for Nepalis regardless of age!
I was thinking about how to excuse myself and go home to M’s grandparents. The same time as I said I needed to leave, the group begged me to stay with them and said that we should all go for food and beer in one of the local restaurants. As much as I would have loved to spend lunch with them, M’s family would be worried – especially if I turned up in the middle of the afternoon spelling of alcohol! At last the couple allowed me to head on home and the whole walk back I replayed the situation over and over again in my head.
It was such a strange and incredible experience that I had with the couple in Durbar Square. The couple were so lovely and welcoming yet my Britishness made me wary! It is amazing looking back on my experience as the cultural differences and expectations from myself and the couple are so clear!
