It's holiday time,And on Facebook I findGirls I haven't seen since high schoolLosing their minds.What is this thing that's making them crazy?Are they all stupid or am I just lazy?
What's with this Elf - is it supposed to be art-y?Can someone please tell me why he's f**king Barbie?I really don't get it.I really must know,There's got to be a catch -Oh my god! That one's doing blow.
Is this for kids,For adults,Or for perverts?What is the deal?How much effort to exert?
It turns out some genius duo of mothers,Packaged this thingFor the rest of us suckers -Lining up to pay thirty dollars for peace of mind,That comes with tricking kids into being kind.
Some think he's merely a prop for the Pinterest show-offbut he's Santa's Gestapo -I mean - helper - cough, cough.
Pinterest/ Tyler Yoder
You may find it strange
and the whole concept creepy
But when your child behavesYou'll almost get weepy.
What power!What glory!This kid's finally listeningIt's the evil little elf!Yuck, the whole concept is sickening.
My child really believesthe Elf returns at dawnAfter reporting to SantaAm I raising a moron?
I really don't care if it means that I getFive minutes of silence after yelling"Santa doesn't like that!"
Elf on the Shelf - It's 1984 meets Beanie BabiesMy poor child's under a microscopeI'm probably going to Hades.He can't even touch his brand new toyBecause the thing "loses its magic"If handled with joy.
Damn you, evil geniuses!Why didn't I think of this first?Let's stop pretending it's fun,It's really the worst.
Another parenting failure - I'm adding it to the listAt least you won't see his alter-ego on PinterestMy Elf's a feminist.
