I work for a large company which has many different contracts with both private companies and governmental institutions. I wholeheartedly support most of the work we do, but I’m less happy with our association with law enforcement, which might lead to the abuse of innocent people. Worst of all, in the past few years another division of the company has become involved with the trafficking myth pushers, and it makes my skin crawl. But I’m not high enough in management to have any influence, expressing my views can only do me harm, and good jobs are hard to come by these days. How can I reconcile my conscience with continuing to work there?
As a whore, far be it from me to condemn others for taking “dirty money”; some of my clients were politicians, gangsters, drug dealers, ambulance-chasers and other lowlifes who got their money in morally reprehensible ways. Money cannot be “tainted”, either by sex rays or anything else; as I wrote in “O Tempora! O Mores!”, “if a thief buys food from a grocery store with stolen money, that transaction is the exact moral equivalent of buying food with money that was rightfully his; the grocery store owner is not morally responsible for the thief’s actions unless he somehow caused them himself.” As long as your actions with regard to your employers are moral, it’s not your fault if the money they use to pay you comes from sleazy deals that you were not personally involved in. Besides, it’s probably impossible these days to work for any company larger than a mom-and-pop that doesn’t have some questionable association. If it continues to bother you, perhaps you could make donations to organizations committed to advancing sex worker rights; that way you’ll feel as though you’re helping to undo a little of the wrong your employers are helping to do.
I’m a woman who has never done sex work, and I have a male friend who’s shy and socially awkward; he’s still a virgin at 32. He wants to lose his virginity with a professional, but has made a couple of mistakes and is now hesitant to move forward; one escort tricked him out of some money, and another turned him down when he said he was a virgin. On top of that the higher class escorts all seem to require references which, of course, he doesn’t have. I advised against blindly going to Backpage, but I have no idea what other advice I could give him; can you help?
What your friend needs is an established escort who is “newbie friendly”. This means a lady whose screening methods are not dependent on references; she’s going to ask him for some kind of identifying information, and use it to be sure he isn’t a cop. That’s one of the reasons he should pick only an established escort with a good reputation; it will help him to know she isn’t going to steal his money like that other woman did. Do tell him that a regular escort in his city shouldn’t ask for money in advance; it’s generally only traveling escorts who do that, and it’s better for him to get someone local just in case his nerves get the better of him and it takes a few dates to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. An older woman would probably be best for this; they tend to be much more patient with nervous first-timers and some of them really enjoy breaking younger guys in. Point your friend to my column “The First Time”, and tell him to read the comments, too, because there are a couple from other adult virgins there; “Sensitive Guy” might also be helpful. Finally, you might also direct him to my “Questions” page, which has many links to my answers to previous questions; the first two under “General Sex Work Questions” are especially important, and he might also find some that speak to him in “Requests for Advice” farther down the page.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
