At this point in my life I always thought I would feel older. I'm only 19, and anyone older than me would say I have so much life yet to live. But when I was eight, 19 seemed like a lifetime away. I figured I would have it all worked out by now. I would have a boyfriend, a job, an apartment, and probably be a huge success. Now that I am an adult, in the year I will turn 20, I realize how young I actually am, and I still feel like that kid wanting to grow up and be a success. No, I don't have a steady job, a boyfriend or my own place, but I wouldn't say I'm not a success.
Recently I have been listening to podcasts because something about hearing a person speak into a microphone makes me want to be like them - or at least listen to them. On Monocycle, a podcast by Leandra Medine of ManRepeller.com, she brought up the idea of self-sabotage. She deduced that the only one standing in her way was her self. Of course, this isn't a brand new idea, a cliché of sorts, but it struck a chord with me. Why do we set boundaries for ourselves instead of push ourselves to be better? I don't want to hold on to my limits and say, "this is where I'm comfortable!" I want to exceed my own expectations.
What exactly are my expectations? Should I get a job? Well, I'm still in school and am learning the skills I need to get the career I want. Should I find a boyfriend? If somebody great comes along, sure! But I don't need a boy to be happy. I am only a failure to my eight year-old self if I hold on to who I was then. My current success may not be up to those standards, but success is a ladder - one that never ends. Maybe those #lifegoals won't happen for another 5 years, and that's ok! I have exceeded my own expectations in many other aspects of my life.
When I started my YouTube channel, I said I wanted 1,000 subscribers in a year. Instead, I got 6,000. As a high school senior, I was terrified of going to college and studying art, and now I love my art classes, professors, and friends. When I feel stagnant, I make small changes in my daily routine. All of these things make me feel like a successful person, and it feels great that I can say, " and I'm only 19 years old!" when talking about what I have accomplished.
So, where are you successful? Do you have your dream job yet? No? That's fine! You are the only one who can measure your successes and failures. Work toward that dream job in any way you can. Make a list of your attainable goals. Get the things done that will help you bring your ideas to fruition. Being successful is not the ultimate goal. You will be successful when you do what you want to do.
Just because I'm talking about this doesn't mean I am living out all my dreams yet, and sometimes I do feel like a failure. But I realized I am only a failure if I believe that I am. Who am I talking to when I say I can't do it? Me. Who am I talking to when I say I can? Me! I am in charge of my own life, and I say I am a success. I say I can be even more successful too.
I think eight year-old me would consider 'now' me a pretty cool adult. Even though I don't have it all together, (I'm typing this alone on a Friday night with chipped nail polish wearing a face mask that's been dry for about 15 minutes) I am still a successful person. And who has the authority to say that? Only me.
xo,
Paola Kassa
