Dear Allen

Dear Allen (or would you prefer Mr. Unwin?)
Thank you for getting back to me so quickly. It was the loveliest, most personalized, rejection I’ve ever received. However, I’m a bit baffled because, based on what I read on your online profile, you and me should have made a great match.
Knowing you, I’m pretty sure you didn’t reject me based on appearance alone. I understand some of my personal photos may have been circulated after appearing on Facebook; still, you can’t deny that I look pretty good in a black leotard. At least I did when I was nine. Or maybe you just had the wrong impression of me, and I can see how – browsing through my blog pictures – you might have thought I was a toothpaste model.
Of course, you say it’s nothing personal but solely a matter of my writing, that for you it lacked oomph. But that’s a matter of opinion, because some would say my choice of words is off this planet.
It’s a shame you weren’t able to see a future for us, that you weren’t sure what box to put me in. But it was really too kind of you to write, “It’s not you, it’s me.” However, you should probably know that I’ve been told that exact quote before, so you’d do best to cite the original author in a footnote.
But really, there’s no need for compassion here. Actually, I’ve moved on. I’ve found someone else. I think. It’s tough finding the right person at my age: most everyone is already taken, or too young to know what a typewriter is.
Thanks for your consideration all the same and all the best to you,
Heddi
P.S. If things don’t work out with this other person, would it be totally out of the question for me to give you a call?