I work with a lot of people who are looking for love and want to be in a relationship and are using online dating to this end. However, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity, they all express similar frustrations with the dating process. Because I have done my share of online dating - some good, some not so good, I completely understand their frustrations! There have been times while on a date and thought, “well there’s two hours of my life I am never going to get back”…or “I wish I was home, in my jams, relaxing and having a glass of wine.” Sharig a few of my experiences, lets them know they are not alone and their experiences, both good and bad, are universal. This puts them at ease. My dating advice: you need common sense, intuitiveness, an ability to handle rejection, and a hint of cynicism to manage the dating process. It ain’t easy!
Despite the ups and downs and frustrations, there are ways to make dating a little easier, fun, and effective.
- Ask yourself, what do you bring to the table? Would you want to date yourself? Are you interesting? Are you healthy? Are you curious? What are your attitudes towards others, yourself, and your life? These answers tell a lot about a person.
- Learn how to project confidence, positivity, and self assurance. Leave your resentment towards your ex, bad dates, and anger at home. People do not want to hear about that – especially on first dates! This is a total turn off.
- Looking good “on paper” or having a connection via email or texting doesn’t always translate to chemistry in person. If you assume it will, you may be disappointed.
- Pay attention to non verbal cues. Research indicates that between 75 – 90% of our communication is non verbal. Whoa! Upon meeting someone new, our brain instantaneously take in hundreds of thousands of verbal and non verbal cues that are firing off. Our inner voice is either saying, “no, not interested or yes, very interested.”
- Stay true to your values and lifestyle. Are you looking for a short term or long term relationship? Casual sex or a hook up? People differ in this regard. Date those of a like mind. Do not compromise on those areas of your life that are deeply imbued in your belief system. If you do this, trust me, in time, you will become resentful and angry. I see this often. Most people have done this very thing. Its a hard lesson to learn.
- Know and honor your red flags and deal breakers.
- Take time and read some articles and blogs about how to create a positive, effective, and honest online dating profile. For example, do you have a person that can read your profile – preferably of the opposite sex? Their feedback could be invaluable. Insure that your profile is honest with curret pictures. Are you describing yourself in a way that reflects your true nature and personality? If you demand honesty, are you also being honest?
- People are somewhat superficial in the beginning and put their best foot forward. They are cautious. This often depends on their dating history. If you are not sure or on the fence, consider a second date. Some people are worth it.
- Date, Date, Date! It’s in the numbers. Dating helps you to not only get to know yourself better, but helps you to “fine tune” what you are looking for and learn to be flexible in your thinking, when appropriate. Go on different types of dates. Check out the dating site, How About We. It offers different and innovative ideas for dating. It puts the fun back in dating!
- Have fun and make it adventure! Bring your sense of humor! Learn how to project confidence and positivity. People like to be around positive people.
- If you still find youself making the same bad choices in men or women, take some time to figure out why. Meet with a therapist that can help you figure out why this is happening so you can make healthier choices.
- Patience and perseverance pays. It did for me!
