Business Magazine

Dating in 2015: Is It Time To Raise The Bar?

Posted on the 11 April 2015 by Ncrimaldi @MsCareerGirl
Dating in 2015: Is It Time To Raise The Bar?

I never knew how low I lowered the bar until several years later. In the beginning of my relationship, there was much uncertainty. I felt kindness and respect the majority of the time. Yet sometimes there were inconsistencies, communication fails, which I confronted. As time passed, lack of awareness of what to expect eventually became my new operating system. It became a new normal, one where my expectations, my bar, had been lowered.

I censored my words and behaviors to adapt, to try and prevent conflict, to keep myself safe from harm. For example, normally I would be excited about going to a party. But I learned that this meant my partner would hit on other women and drink to excess. This made me feel upset and fearful for my safety getting home. My confrontations were met with lack of understanding and the disrespectful behaviors were repeated. My problem solving tactics were not working to resolve the conflicts and dysfunction so I changed my mind; I excused myself from the partnership.

Because of this experience, I have fantastically shrewd observation skills, affording me the ability to make assessments and decisions quickly.

I possess an innately heightened sense of urgency. In a crisis, where pieces of information are still unfolding and there is ambiguity, I can extract what we DO know and what we CAN do and get it done right NOW. I remembered what I learned. But did I forget to raise the bar back up? And if yes, then how high does it need to be? What does it need to clear for a healthy partnership? If you are dating in 2015, here are some points for you and Prince Charming below.

Level 1: Confidence.

You: In a previous post I offered 5 ways to bring out the sexy in you. When you are feeling and acting self-assured, you automatically raise the bar for those around you. Confidence also can mean getting as close as you can to mastering a skill. If someone told me to go run sprints or a tempo run or a fartlek or complete dynamic warm-up moves or ensure I have negative splits on race day, it would be simps - this is second nature to me after years of middle school and high school cross country and track, not to mention several other races as an adult. Find out what you are awesome at and keep doing it!

Prince Charming: Look for parallel conviction and mastery of something in the company you keep.

Level 2: Health.

You: Take pride in your vocational, physical, residential, and mental health. Shine up your resume. Tidy up your home. Read a book and discuss it with friends (aka Boost Your Life With Book Club). If you don't already, you will start feeling (humbly) proud of your job, your body, your space, your possessions, and your thoughts. Here are 7 ways to help you get back on track if you are feeling "off" or would like some ideas to help you get started.

Prince Charming: Gauge your new partner's overall "life" healthiness. Does it align with yours? Do you practice similar habits?

Level 3: Trust.

If you are in denial and ignoring "red flags" then you are not trustworthy yourself. Trust yourself, then trust others until you are given a reason not to. It sounds simple. It sounds cliché. But trustworthiness either runs like a gushing current through your relationship or it does not. Unfortunately for Jamie Dornan fans, there aren't shades of grey here.

Prince Charming: If he is asking you to forgive him, does that make him trustworthy? Are jewelry and flowers attempts to mask unacceptable circumstances or behavior?

Level 4: Alignment.

You and Prince Charming: Congratulations, you have reached level 4!

Time to compare values, aspirations, dreams, life plans with each other. The stronger the alignment, the better the bond.

How do you raise the bar? Tell us! @mscareergirl

Author
Dating in 2015: Is It Time To Raise The Bar?

Kelly Christiansen is a columnist at MsCareerGirl.com. An honors grad from DePaul's Relational, Small Group, and Organizational Communications program, Kelly is intrigued by relationships and loves sharing insights in hopes of inspiring others. By morning you can find her out for a run and by night it's anyone's guess; she likes hosting friends, live music, and dancing.


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Mitsubishi A6M3 Reisen (Zero)

    Mitsubishi A6M3 Reisen (Zero)

    @ Camarillo Municipal Airport, CA August 2017 A rare flyable Zero performs a flyby at the Wings Over Camarillo airshow.  This aircraft was recovered from New... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Htam
    PHOTOGRAPHY, SOCIETY
  • 8 Ways To Instill A Sense Of Purpose In Your Startup

    Ways Instill Sense Purpose Your Startup

    Starting a new venture and thriving in today’s economy is hard, but the best have figured out that customers and employees need to feel that you have a sense... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Martin Zwilling
    BUSINESS, CAREER
  • Karakoram Summer 2018: Summits on Broad Peak, Missing Climber Found by Drone

    Karakoram Summer 2018: Summits Broad Peak, Missing Climber Found Drone

    While the teams on K2 sit, wait, and watch the weather, things have been progressing in other parts of the Karakoram. In our last update from the end of last... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Kungfujedi
    OUTDOORS
  • Nordstrom Anniversary Sale: A Second Look

    Nordstrom Anniversary Sale: Second Look

    When I wrote my Nordstrom Anniversary Sale picks post last Thursday I wrote it that day, early in the morning, and it seems during a time when the site was... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Wardrobeoxygen
    FASHION, SELF EXPRESSION, SHOPPING
  • Salmon with Olive-pistachio Tapenade and Tomatoes

    A foolproof trio loaded with flavor: moist and flavorful salmon dressed up with a juicy olive and crunchy pistachio tapenade. This simple, but elegant, dish... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Dietdoctor
    DIET & WEIGHT, HEALTH, HEALTHY LIVING, MEDICINE
  • Vintage Avon Lady Beauty Tips 1946

    Vintage Avon Lady Beauty Tips 1946

    Simple beauty advice for the 1940s woman – Vintage-Avon-beauty-Tips-1946—the-elbows Elbow Tips: Keep them from getting rough by massaging Night Cream over them... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Glamourdaze
    FASHION, LIFESTYLE
  • Top 10 French Albums

    French Albums

    The FIFA World Cup has come to an end with France being crowned World Champions! To mark the occasions we have compiled the Top 10 French albums of all time.... Read more

    The 16 July 2018 by   Tomatrax
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC

Magazines