This is too easy. Once I steal that big ol’ diamond, I’m set for life with sparkly headbands, suckah.
Between your beef with Miss Abby and those animal prints, you’re giving me a stroke. Let it go.
Wait. What?
You heard me.
Check it out, bro. The blonde one gave me 20 bucks and Kelly Hyland’s phone number.
No lie. I swear she opened her mouth and Pinnocchio jumped out just like in the cartoon.
Just wondering why someone’s all up in my personal space while I’m getting my hair did, that’s all.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Please take your seats. The show is about to begin.
For tonight’s sold-out evening performance of the All-Dancing, All-Singing, All-Screaming Annual ALDC Dance Concert we ask that you refrain from bringing food and beverages into the auditorium. Realizing of course, that if there was ever a Dance Moms week when you needed a stiff drink it’s this one, you are more than welcome to slam it hard in the lobby and one of our ushers will do their best to get you back to your seat in one piece.
So if you’re ready…Light the Lights. Fight the Fights.
On with the Show, this is it.
That’s right. It was Dance Concert Week down at the ALDC. One last opportunity to try and recall all the dances you learned in under 48 hours this season and prove that you deserve a spot at Nationals. Because…you know…I hear that Nationals are coming.
But not before the Pyramid of Shame, they’re not.
As Abby Lee Miller got down to business, it was clear that she was changing up the game one more time. I’m starting to think that she likes doing that.
First clue: Kamryn Beck was back in the dancer lineup!
America’s favorite overachiever (…rockin’ one of her signature Olivia Newton-John Let’s Get Physical headbands, of course…) had returned to the studio and was patiently awaiting this week’s assignments while doing polynomial long division in her head to kill time.
Second clue: Christ-y (…with a very loud ‘Y’…) was also in the studio. Again.
Seriously. How does this woman keep getting back in the building? Abby tosses her out every week and then as soon as the opening credits finish rolling seven days later…there she is again with sunglasses on her head just looking for a rumble.
Remember the beginning of The Flintstone’s cartoon when Fred throws the saber tooth tiger out the front door and it jumps back in through the window?
I swear it’s like that with this woman.
Maybe not the actually jumping through an open window part. That’s probably more of a clunky, hoisting-up type of maneuver that involves standing on milk crates or tiny Sarah‘s wobbly head right before one last running push. But you get the idea.
And never say never, because stranger things have probably happened in the pursuit of the Dance.
Bottom of the Pyramid was reserved for Chloe and MackZ. Chloe had missed a day of rehearsals for a scheduled MRI on that mystery foot ailment and MackZ had momentarily reverted back to the old MackenzieBoo Cutie Patootie Days during the group dance and forgotten to look up at the audience the entire time.
Kendall and Maddie made up the Pyramid Mezzanine. Kendall had let another teammate beat her in the competition (…because I guess there’s something in the rules now that no longer allows everyone to all get First Place at the same time anymore…) and Maddie, as awesome as Abby keeps saying she is…just wasn’t Nia.
Because Nia was on top!!! #InternationalYearOfTheNia. Hashtag that, yo.
Maya Oh Maya!! It was Nia!! And the crowd went wild.
(Insert Proud HollyFace here: ____________________.)
This week, on top of rehashing all the old routines, the girls would also be performing a new group number called “The Heist.” I love when everyone oohs and aahs and applauds right away even though they have no idea what the routine involves yet. Because they totally did that.
This year, the entire Dance Concert would be a tribute to Abby’s Mom, Maryen Lorraine Miller.
(Insert Sad Flashbacks here: ____________________.)
Because that’s what they did. And they were. We miss you, Mrs. Miller.
Since this was all part of the Road to YouKnowWhat, each girl would also be performing a 45 second solo of their choosing at the concert, that could possibly determine their fate at Nationals.
I know, right? No pressure there whatsoever .
But Abby didn’t want to see the dances until the actual performance. That way she could snark on all the girls without having any preconceived notions of what needed improvement.
Did I forget to mention that little Sarah was standing off to the side, at the maximum allowed 2 feet distance from her Mom, while all this was going on? Because she was.
I feel so bad for that little peanut. I was kind of hoping she would just cry now and get it over with early, but it didn’t happen.
