In the religious / spiritual dimension of your life, how do you identify? For example, with respect to religion / spirituality, fill in the blank: “I am a(n) _____.“
You may find this sentence easy to complete. You may even find this to be deeply affirming. On the other hand, you may also find the task complicated or even troubling.
When I was young, I would have easily completed the sentence to say “I am a Catholic.” But then my religious / spiritual identity expanded, and for many years, I would have proudly stated “I am a Christian.” Since that time, though, the religious / spiritual world has significantly changed, and I have changed with it.
Beginning in the mid-2000s to early 2010s, there began a general decline in religious activity – and an increase in religious non-affiliation – in the United States. Young Americans, in particular, reported strikingly negative perceptions of “Christians” and “Christianity,” often making associations between these terms and “judgmental” (87%), “hypocritical” (85%), “old-fashioned” (78%), and “too involved with politics” (75%). More recently, young people who were once – but no longer – religious cited reasons for their change as including a lack of compatibility between their religion and what they knew of science (52%) and not wanting to associate with a group they felt caused trauma to themselves or others or that perpetrated hatred toward other groups they supported (such as members of the LGBTQ population; 22%).
It’s instructive to consider all of this in light of identity, which the great psychologist, Erik Erikson, referred to as involving one’s core beliefs, values, and goals that give us a unique sense of self. In general, we’re drawn to associate ourselves with what’s positive, what’s good, and what’s valued, not what’s negative, problematic, or disliked. So, the more we believe our identity is connected with something “bad,” the more dissonance we may experience within ourselves in holding that identity. I believe this is the primary reason underlying why so much Christian religious behavior has decreased in the past few decades.
As I’ve been increasingly exposed to negative associations, I’ve given serious consideration to whether I can retain my Christian identity, and I’ve reflected on ways to improve the religious / spiritual label I use for myself. For example, when in conversation with others, I’ve tried to provide more context for my Christian identity by acknowledging all the hurt that’s been done by Christians and Christianity. Like many, I stopped saying “I am a Christian” entirely at times to instead say “I am a follower of Christ.” I’ve tried to add adjectives to modify my statement of identity as well, saying “I am a social justice Christian,” “I am a Christian seeker,” and even “I am a Christian of the mystical tradition” (hoping to avoid saying “I am a Christian mystic,” which just sounds too ridiculous / self-important).
When the COVID pandemic forced us into isolation, and the faithful discovered new ways of being religious and spiritual such as online worship services, self-created spiritual playlists, and new podcasts, other problems with identity emerged. For example, what label captures my religious / spiritual identity if I regularly read the Bible and the poetry of Mary Oliver, attend online Quaker meetings, and practice mindfulness meditations, often in nature? Saying “I am a Christian” doesn’t seem to capture it all. It doesn’t seem accurate to say “I am a Quaker” if I don’t attend – or belong to – an in-person Quaker meeting. To use the increasingly common declaration “I am spiritual but not religious” would allow me to be broad enough to capture a lot of the aspects of my identity. However, to me, the statement feels so vague that it lacks the meaningfulness of a more specific self-description, and it doesn’t capture the reality that much of my identity is rooted in a specific religious tradition.
The process of crafting a religious / spiritual identity is complex and unique to each of us, but still some general considerations may be helpful to reflect on. First, we don’t need to limit ourselves to one statement of religious / spiritual identity; we can use several. In this beautiful short video, Maya Angelou suggested that, although she also claimed the identity “I am a child of God,” we all might benefit by grounding ourselves with the self-label: “I am a human being.” In doing so, she suggested this particular identity may help to contextualize and humanize any others we may hold. Second, it’s generally best to frame our identity in positive terms. Rather than saying “I am an atheist” (often defined as involving a belief in a lack of something), for instance, many may find more positive meaning in stating “I am a humanist.” Third, although some of this work is for ourselves alone, some of this may be conceptualized as a shorthand introduction to use in conversation with others. Using a self-label that opens conversation and eases access to community may be important as a means of strategic communication, as long as the way we describe ourselves to others also feels authentic to us. For example, when in an online Quaker small group discussion, saying “I am a new Quaker” may promote belonging, even if there’s more nuance I might feel important to add at some later point. Finally, it’s important to remember that self-labeling can only take us so far. Our lives, and particularly our religious and spiritual identities, will always in some sense be uncategorizable. As the Christian philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once put it, “once you label me, you negate me.”
Returning to where we started, and given all this, with respect to religion / spirituality, how would you complete this sentence?: “I am a(n) _____.“ Even tweaking how you fill in the blank can significantly impact how you see yourself and engage your world.
This post was also published at Psychology Today.
