Arguing is going to happen in any relationship no matter how perfect things may seem. The good news is that this can be a healthy experience for both parties so long as lessons are learned.
Common Causes
We all know arguments can start about anything and everything. The most common problems usually come from the same source: lack of communication. Not remembering something your partner has told you, failing to reply to a text or a call, or not showing up when you said you would - all these make your significant other feel like they mean less to you than they thought. Other frequent reasons for arguing include arguments over money, sex, and saying the wrong thing.
Gender Wars
Men and women tend to respond to conflict in very different ways. Men tend to be more likely to speak up immediately if they're unhappy with something, whereas women tend to let their partner know about something over a longer period of time in a passive-aggressive fashion. Sometimes women will bring up an issue days or even weeks after it occurred. Women are also a lot more likely to withhold sex from their partner if they've got a grievance in the relationship. Some women seem to enjoy arguing more than men as they feel that the drama can make the relationship seem more lively and exciting, although there are, of course, plenty of argumentative men out there as well.
Resolution
Certain social expectations for men and women can cause the two sexes to argue differently. Women may be louder or more vocal in their arguing style than men due to the social conventions around not hitting a woman. Men, in contrast, associate escalating volume with instigating physical confrontations, and, possibly, being less in touch with their emotions causes them to argue at a quieter volume. They also tend to fail to get the last word in. So who should apologize first? Ideally, the man should, well, the bigger man, and make the first effort to solve the problem, as he ought to set an example in the relationship and keep his woman happy. Of course, it all depends on what was being argued about and how clearly the blame can be apportioned.
Patching Things Up
No one should be a doormat, but if you make the first step to make peace, it usually makes the partner quicker to admit where they've been at fault as well. Think about what was argued about and how you're going to use that knowledge to improve the relationship. If handled properly, arguments can help people let off some steam and clear the air for your interactions ahead. In this sense, arguing can occasionally help to detoxify a situation. Sit down with your partner and talk about what you think you've done wrong and what you think you haven't. Mature, reasonable discussion is key here, and the better you get at it, the more likely it is that you'll bring up potential problems with your partner before you get to the stage of bickering.
If your problems are a bit more serious, you may want to consider a gesture to show your loved one your regret and desire to change. It could be anything from offering to cook a dinner to flowers and a card, or maybe a short holiday or a date to provide a change of scenery. Good communication makes for good relationships, so listen to each other and use this opportunity to make yourselves stronger together.
This guest post was authored by Anabel Cooper
Ms. Career Girl was started in 2008 to help ambitious young professional women figure out who they are, what they want and how to get it.
