




Panty Quilts: Just…what the fuck? Louis Garrett made a quilt out of women’s underwear. 58 pairs to be exact. See, he had previously started a mannequin collection that he used to dress up and like accessorize. But then he saw a quilt in a magazine and became inspired, as we all would. So he made a panty quilt. He asked ladies in the community to donate the "ones they are going to throw away." And he went shopping. Which is not creepy at all. He also does not accept polyester or those “cheap or not sexy” ones. Especially from “the Dollar Store.” So HIGH CLASS LADIES ONLY…says the Toothless Wonder.

Blowout Losses: All I have to say is ARGH. See, e.g., Duke Men's Basketball v. Arizona Wildcats, Sweet 16 (March 24, 2011) at second half; see also, Duke Women's Basketball v. Connecticut, Elite 8 (March 29, 2011) at every moment.

Bikini Brawls in Burger King: Oh, Kimesa. Have you guys seen this? Because this story has everything you can possibly dream of: A gang of women clad only in bikinis? (Sex sells). Fighting over delicious fast food? (Violence!). What does she throw at the poor cashier? (A mystery!). She even does her own stunts by climbing over the counter. I mean, that is when shit gets real. Unfortunately, Kimesa Smith has now been charged with a billion crimes from felony criminal mischief to battery. But Burger King, this is seriously unsanitary. There is a whole band of these bitches and the only thing separating their asses from my fries is a thin piece of spandex. Your motto is “Have It Your Way.” This is NOT my way. I do not want my Whopper with a side of skanky tits. Thanks. I do like pickles, though.