I’m back…finally! So much for the statement at the beginning of my last blog entry about posting at least once a week. But I have a good reason, actually two, that will give you a little insight…Jim and I have had the kids for almost four months now! Yes, they’ve been placed with us permanently, so as you might imagine life has been turned upside down, sideways, and even inverted at times. As I begin to write this entry, the kids are sitting on the sofa watching Sesame Street! At least we were able to ween them from Sponge Bob…that theme song was stuck in my head for weeks. And I thought Miley Cyrus was bad. As one Facebook friend put it, “at least it’s not the theme song from Barney!”
My goal is to get everyone caught up on the happenings in the Lister-Looker household within the next two to three blog entries…but please don’t hold your breath because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone getting brain damage. And we’re off…
Home Visit
As soon as Jim and I got back from Reno we went into “we have to get the house ready mode,” and pronto! Everything had been pretty much child proofed in the house, at least as much as we could without the two little ones scurrying around, but we needed supplies. Our goal was to have the basics in place for the three nights they would be with us, and during that time figure out what we were missing. My very good friend Christina, from the L.A. area, offered to come down one weekend and help us shop for the necessities, which we couldn’t pass up. She arrived with a car load of items…hangers, toy storage bins, kiddie dishes, cups, and utensils, bubble bath, shampoo, band-aids, toothpaste and toothbrushes…you get the idea. She basically assembled a parent starter kit for us, minus the Vicodin and case of wine.
A few days prior to Christina’s visit Jim and I had purchased the bedroom set for the kids, which was scheduled for delivery the following week. So one of the first things we needed to get was bedding for the kids. We hit Marshall’s, Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond (we purposely bypassed WalMart). I’ll just sum up our shopping trip this way…what did we ever do before Target?!?! I had no idea there were so many aisles dedicated to children, with one and a half aisles dedicated just to diapers, which we needed. On previous trips to Target I was aware of this area in the middle of the store where shoppers would venture into, usually begrudgingly, with little people in tow, especially the men! Back in the day there was never a reason for me to step foot into the children’s department…now I’m in there all the time. And I think they should change the department name to something like, “I Want That!” or “Is That For Me?” or “Look, But Don’t Touch.” And the mucky-mucks at Target, if you’re reading this, please make the aisles wider, especially in the shoe department…thank you!
When the time came for them to go back to their foster home I flew with them out of the Ontario airport to Reno via Southwest. They both love to fly on airplanes and are fascinated with airports. Even when we would hit some turbulence their eyes would get big, they would smile or laugh and say, “Yay bumpy,” while I was white knuckling the arm rests. Their foster mom met us at the Reno airport and immediately I saw both of them become deflated. This is nothing against their foster home in Reno, but clearly they had started to bond with me and Jim, and Humphrey, and wanted to be with us. At that moment it was difficult to watch them walk away, but I knew they would be with us permanently in two weeks.
Permanent Placement – Here They Come!
But two weeks turned into one week due to the children being removed from their foster home and placed into a kids shelter. Once we were informed of this move Jim and I made the decision to have the children come down sooner, which their social workers agreed to. So, on Monday, January 25, 2010 is when Ronald and Angelica were officially and permanently placed in our home…yay! But they came down with nasty colds, which wasn’t fun for any of us, especially since Jim and I ended up getting sick as well. I guess that was our official welcome to parenthood.
Our first month together was spent establishing routines and structure for them, figuring out what worked and what didn’t, and making sure we were establishing ourselves as the ones with the parental authority, rather than the other way around. Initially there was some testing and crankiness going on from Ronald, which could have been attributed to him not feeling well. But after about a week he started to come around and seemed to get the concept that whatever Jim and I would say would happen, good, bad or indifferent, was indeed going to happen. On the other hand, Angelica was very compliant with everything, which again could have been attributed to her not feeling well. But fear not, eventually she started digging through her behavioral tool box and was hitting us with everything she had, mostly the bad and indifferent with very little good stuff coming our way.
During all of this (the home visit and the permanent placement) Humphrey was amazing with the kids! At first I thought he would be jealous of having additional members added to the “pack,” but from day one he has been very affectionate, lovable, and playful. After Ronald and Angelica went back to Reno from their home visit Humphrey would go around the house looking for them! In the beginning Ronald would call Humphrey “Humpy” while Angelica would say “puppy.” Now Ronald can say “Humphrey” while Angelica says “Humpy.” But truth be told, it doesn’t really matter what they call him…he hears their voices and comes running (sometimes galloping)! He’s also come in very handy after meal time to help pick up all of the food that inevitably gets dropped onto the rug under their table.
Making It Legal – We Do!
After the children had been with us for a month it was time to send them back to Reno. Not back to live, but for a scheduled visit with their mom. Plus during this time is when Jim and I traveled up to the northwest to get married in Victoria, BC!!! This is how the travel scheduled unfolded. On Wednesday I drove the kids to Ontario airport to meet a social worker from Reno who flew down to pick them up and fly them back. Thursday morning Jim and I flew up to Seattle where we stayed overnight. Then very early Friday morning we took a ferry from Seattle to Victoria, BC.
When I arrived in the designated meeting area I see the children right away along with their social worker, the county therapist, and the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate)…the children are in the midst of creating complete chaos. They are in “performance” mode because there are four adults who’s attention they are competing for, and they are doing everything and anything to try and get it. Angelica is crawling on the floor like a baby and Ronald is bouncing around from one person to another, and is trying to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Another distraction is the flashing lights and obnoxious sounds coming from the nearby slot machines, which are viewed by the children as toys or an apparatus to climb on. Neither child has demonstrated that they can sit still for more than five seconds. It’s no wonder I feel like I’ve just fallen down the ADHD rabbit hole.
When it’s finally time to say our good-byes we head upstairs to go through airport security, which I’m not a huge fan of anyway, let alone trying to corral two young children who are literally bouncing off of anything that will give them traction. And I should mention that I’m also juggling several backpacks and some luggage while trying to get all three of us moving in the same direction. So when you factor in the backpacks, luggage, coats and shoes, along with two little ones who are in desperate need of some downers, you end up with a lot to get through the scanners and metal detectors. At this point I’m beginning to question my parental skills…or at the very least my ability to corral kittens. At least neither of the kids has scratched me…yet! We eventually make it through airport security. What a relief to know that neither child is hiding a bomb or carrying weapons in their Garanimal shoes! (Note to self…be sure to allow at least five extra minutes to get everyone’s shoes back on after airport screening.)
We make our way to the gate, and as fate would have it we’re departing from one of the last gates in the terminal. It’s not so much the distance, but rather the abundance of slot machines, yet again, with their flashing lights and ringing bells (this is Reno after all) that we have to pass by. And by “we” I don’t mean harnessing my own desire to throw in a few quarters (I lived in Reno for nine years so slot machines do nothing for me), but to get the kids past all the bells and whistles and flashing lights. One of them did take a dive onto the carpet due to the evil distractions of a slot machine!
We arrive at the gate and I see all of the Southwest passengers lined up like cattle (I know this description is overused when it comes to Southwest, but bare with me). I think to myself, “there is no way I’m waiting in that line with these two!” I quickly make eye contact with the gate agent, and before I even know what I’m saying I find myself playing the “special needs” card…”I have two young children with special needs and I have to pre-board the plane.” I feel every pair of cattle eyes on me (there might have even been a disgruntled “moo” in there somewhere). They are either jealous of the bull balls I have to cut in line, or are relieved that I’m not subjecting them to my current frustrations, also known as Ronald and Angelica. We board the plane and once I get them strapped into their seats they begin to calm down.
A few rows in front of us is a toddler who is in the midst of a major tantrum in her seat. Both of them are saying, “baby crying, baby upset.” It’s in this moment that I feel sympathy for the parent of this little toddler (just months ago I would have been annoyed), but I’m also thankful that neither of mine are screaming and crying at the top of their lungs. I guess when it comes to parenting there is always a brighter side, even if it’s at the expense of another parent’s struggle. I’m digging my heals in, but it’s no use, I’m becoming a member of the “parenting club” of I share in your pain and you share in mine. Because either I’ve been there already and I know what you’re going through, or a similar experience is undoubtedly coming my way. Regardless, at some point I’ll find myself icing two dozen cupcakes at 9:30pm, so they can be delivered to school the next day, and I’ll be thinking to myself, “how did I get here?!” And then, in a moment of mischievousness, I’ll realize that all of these little kids will be sent home with a sugar rush and will be bouncing off the walls. Maybe these cupcakes need even more frosting!
But I digress…
The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful, so long as their seat belts were securely fastened. Once we landed in Ontario airport, and I got them into their car seats, it wasn’t long after that they both fell asleep on the ride home. Finally some peace and quiet, albeit short-lived in the grand scheme of things. But driving back home, with the little ones asleep, did give me time to realize how happy I was to have them safely back home with us. And when I finally pulled into the driveway and my husband (I love saying that now), along with Humphrey, came out of the house to greet us, there was no doubt that I, that WE, were home.
That evening as we all went to bed something felt different. It wasn’t two recently married men falling asleep together, or two young children snuggling under the covers in their very own beds, or a loving dog curled up and breathing a notable sigh of relief that the pack was once again in tact. This time it was a family falling asleep…something that was new, and extraordinarily comforting, to ALL of us!
–Thomas L-L
