Life hack: any device that takes c batteries will also take vienna sausages.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) September 7, 2013
Some guy at Krispy Kreme got mad when I accidentally plugged my e-cigarette into his butthole.
— Johnny Ryan (@MrJohnnyRyan) September 7, 2013
"Waiter, this vegetable soup tastes like bed sores and euthanasia..."
— Bob Heller (@Bob_Heller) September 1, 2013
My boss caught me doing the robot, in my office. Well, it's not so much a robot as it is a homemade sex doll. I was lonely. And fired.
— Beyond DelFreaky (@iAmDelFreaky) August 28, 2013
The wheels on the bus go "I'm tired of carrying losers around all day"Read more great tweets here, eh?
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) August 28, 2013
And! Follow me on Twitter here.
