I just threw my toddler a football and he put it down and used it as a pillow so he's definitely my son.
— Hazel Goats (@hazelmotes1) March 19, 2015
*looks deep into your eyes*
*burps the chorus to 'what a wonderful world'*
— MF FairyPrincessSmoo (@Smooheed) March 18, 2015
I am with you always. Wherever you go you possess me. In the bitter chill of a winter night or in the morning having a Vietnamese food poop.
— Natty Lumpo (@nattylumpo88) March 18, 2015
Cheerios are miniature butt holes that you can eat
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) March 16, 2015
�� On a dark dessert highway/
Cool whip in my hair ��
— Jory John (@joryjohn) March 12, 2015
