Bring It!: Yo…Can You Hear Me Now? I Hope So, Cuz Xplosive Dance Co. And The Dolls ‘Bout To Blow It All Up.

I got about this much more patience for that fool posting my wig snatch video every week. Really?

I don’t even care if it’s JJ wearing my good weave. I just need one of my babies on stage.

When my Mama’s not the craziest one anymore, I got no words. I’ll just be over here dancing if you need me. ‘kay?

Gurrrl…put your damn phone down and pay attention. He’s singing Johnny Mathis, f’realz.

Imma hit that floor and show ’em all what I got. Cuz a baby gotta do what a baby gotta do.

Ya. What she said.

AwHellNah. How did Princess Nutcracker get one of them new tops before I did? This is so not cool.

Before we begin.

A musical interlude.

With apologies to Taylor Swift, of course.

And to her boardroom full of lawyers as well, who are no doubt already working up Cease & Desist paperwork that should be in my hands before you even get to the end of this recap.  So you might wanna speed read this week, just in case.

But it’s all good.

‘Cause the playas gonna play, play, play, play, play.

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

I shake it off, I shake it off.

I take it off, I take it off.

Dat’s rite.  Beat ’em Beat ’em Down Down to the Ground, yo.

And you might as well just Stand Up Sit Down Fight Fight Fight while you’re at it…cuz Bring it! was snatching and shaking stuff like I don’t know what this week.

It was the Buck Wild competition in Greenville, MS and Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls were ’bout to show us all how hip hop majorettes do cheer.

Trust me.  This ain’t yo’ Mamas Pom Pom category.

After coming in Second Place to the Dazzling Divas in last week’s Duet awards, Miss D was determined to take the Dolls all the way to the top spots in both Stand Battle and Pom Pom at this week’s event, where the girls would be going up against the Dazzlin Starz, the Delta Jewels, Xplosive Dance Company of Dallas and the Girls Who Think It’s OK To Take Up Two Seats On The Bus Because Your Knock-Off Louis Bag Is Too Big. 

Side note:  It’s never ok to take up two seats.  And yo’ “LV” sticker is backwards.

As if all the cheer prep wasn’t enough, Dianna was also doing additional solo cuts for the upcoming Battle Royale, which was now less than two months away.

This week, the audition pool would be cut down by 66%…from 11 hopefuls to only 6…so the pressure was on like never before.  Especially since just the solo portion of the season ending competition was worth 50% of a team’s total score.

Same.

As the girls began working on their long division and cheer choreography, we scooted down to Dallas (…where everything is bigger, BTW…) to see how Coach Charkeitha Frazier and the girls of Xplosive were preparing for the competition.

Can you hear me now?

Not very well, actually.

Turns out Charkeitha had laryngitis or CheerMouth or something and needed to talk thru a bullhorn the whole time like Navy guys do when they land planes on aircraft carriers in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Here she is chillaxing by the bleachers, but I have no idea what she was talking about because her voice was all scratchy and she forgot her bullhorn in the other room.

Side note:  At one point in the episode, Charkeitha was rocking a sexy Xplosive Dance Company of Dallas top that had a really sparkly glitter bomb graphic in the middle which totally reminded me of this for some reason…

…so double bonus points for being both a Fashionista and Batman fan.  You go, girl.

The XDC team also had a built-in cheer squad as part of the total package, so you knew their pom pom game was gonna be on point.  No pressure, of course.

Back at the Dollhouse, the girls were twerking and werking it while the DDP Mamas were out in the IKEA Lounge/Viewing Room getting their crazy on.

Knowing that XDC had girls who were genetically bred to cheer, my girl Tina was understandably worried about the pom pom portion of the competition.

Check out this Kardashian hair.  Where’d that even come from?

Rittany (…in her short and sassy hair, my favorite if anyone’s asking…) felt that Crystianna should lead the charge this week since she was a legit pom pom cheerleader in her day job.  I love how Crystianna has turned into this beast on the dance floor even though I don’t believe we’ve yet to hear her speak in the Dollhouse in three seasons.

And how ’bout Seloncé‘s new Whitney ‘do that she pulled outta nowhere last week?

Where do they keep all this hair?  I’m being serious.

And as long as we’re on the subject.  Here’s actual behind-the-scenes footage of Mimi putting on her new weave and singing the theme song from Frozen.

Let it Go.  Hooty Hoooooooo.
I think I love this show too much sometimes.

And then it was time for solo cuts.

All 11 girls.

Count ’em…Camryn.  Faith.  Jalen.  Ken’Janae.  Imonje.  MaKalah.  Makya.  Shaqueria.  Shakyla.  Crystianna and maybe even Sky.

Or Star.  Or JJ.  I dunno.  They all look the same. right?

Kidding.  It was Sky.  

But how much does our BabyGirl look like her BabyDaddy?

I mean, it’s crazy.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t dance like her BabyDaddy (…Spoiler Alert: YET…) and immeditately got cut…

…along with 4 other girls.

The Final Six:  Ken’Janae.  Faith.  Camryn.  Crystianna.  Makya.  MaKalah.

Bonus Points:  To me.  For typing all those names.  Twice.

Full disclosure:  I don’t even try to spell-check Bring It! recaps anymore.  I just don’t.

And who knew that Mimi and Rittany both participated in cheerleading back in the day?

Because they did.  And we got to relive it for a few minutes back in the IKEA Lounge when they busted out an impromptu Cheer-Off.

Surprisingly, Mimi’s routine was a little more PattyCake PattyCake Jackson High than I had expected…

…while Rittany’s was more of a I’ll Cut You Bitch If You Score kinda thing.Side note:  Check out this University of Memphis cheerleader completely losing her nutty when they won their division in the Hip Hop National Championships.  Holy crap. The next day, concerned that Sky had voiced some indecision about continuing on at the Dollhouse after being cut from the solo auditions, Seloncé decided to poke her head into the bear’s den and go speak with Dianna in her office.
Ok.  Since I love this show so much, I’m not even gonna go there.

Because I know it’s real life.  AND a TV show.  And sometimes with real life and TV shows you just need a redo because the Sound Guy messes up or whatever.  It happens.

But I love this show.

So all I’m gonna say is that maybe next time the Continuity Guy should get with the Editing Guy and figure out why the Wig Guy wasn’t at the meeting yesterday.

I see what you did there, Lifetime.

But it don’t even matter.

All that really matters is that Toys ‘r Us get that Dianna Barbie Doll on the shelves by next Christmas or I’m gonna have some issues with the corporate office.

And it better come with about 37 weaves and a string on the back that makes her say “DD4L!” and “Heifer!” when you pull it.

Anyway.  If you know what I’m talking about, then you know what I’m talking about.

And if you missed the whole blooper, then we can just move on.  Because I love this show too much to even be having this discussion any longer.

Especially when we should be talking about what’s going on with this WAPT Channel 16 News anchor lady hair.  Dang, girlfriend.  Somebody’s stepping it up this week.  How’s rush hour traffic on the expressway tonight?

The next day, for whatever reason, Miss D decided to add a few more girls into the routine.  Maybe Seloncé  knew what she was doing in that office after all.

And little Tanesha got sick.

Or had a panic attack.  Or was just hungry.

Or all of the above.  Turns out that this is an ongoing situation with her during practice and right before actual performances.  She gets a little anxious.

But Captain Camryn came to her rescue with a pep talk and a Snickers bar.

Because sometimes you’re just not yourself…

Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay Fever Flav to get to work announcing this shizz.

The judge who kinda looks like a cross between Cicely Tyson and the lady from that sitcom whose name escapes me right now was back again, along with Jay Fever Johnny Harrington V, his bowtie and a GQ-inspired lapel pin.

Just to shake things up and keep the lovelies on their toes, Jay skipped the pocket square this week.  It was messing up the line of his trim-fit.

Look at how that new judge on the right is looking at Cicely Tyson all like ‘Dang, Gurl…Why Didn’t You Tell Me How Fine That Boy Is All This Time?’ while Jay is trying to focus on the job at hand.

Oh, yeah.  Now that’s what I’m talking about.  No wonder you show up every week.

Side note:  Even though my other boy Twon McClain didn’t get any camera time, he was there for the event.  Just outside moving cars.

Literally.  Pushing them around the parking lot like Chattanooga’s Incredible Hulk.

One:  Dude is jacked.

Two:  Don’t park in front of a hydrant and you won’t get your car towed.  Or Twon’d.

Jay and Twon:  #SquadGoals.

The Pom Pom Category was first up and the two most important takeaways were probably why 100+ XDC girls were all wearing pink underwear with black costumes and how sassy Crystianna was when she got up to that judges’ table.

Yaaaaaas, Cryssie!  Yaaaaaas!

 Weekly Meeting In The Back Hallway:  Can you hear me now?

That would be YES.
It’s true.  Everything (…except yo’ dresses, apparently…) are bigger in Texas.

After a few Stand Battle Rounds and one final Tanesha meltdown, which resulted in this…

…this…

…this……and even this…
…it was time for the final Battle!

The Dazzlin Starz vs. the Dancing Dolls!

Both teams did a great job.  Even though we barely saw the Dazzlin Starz, I like how sassy their coach is when she’s watching from the sidelines.

Stand Battle:  First Place…Dancing Dolls!

Pom Pom: Second Place…Dancing Dolls!

Wait.  What?  Uh oh.

Dianna wasn’t liking it.  But Life is like that, even when you try to do your best.

To lighten the mood, here’s some footage of me when I lied about my age on the application and snuck into Baby Dancing Doll Training Camp.  I swear.

Boom.  Blow It Up.

And then it was over.

At least for another week.  Thanks for stopping by.

No, really.  Thank you.  Thank you very much.

Now get off your damn phone and go get some fresh air.

DD4L!