Bring It!: When Neva The Diva Shows Up For Homecoming, You Just Know Something’s Gonna Get Snatched.

How ’bout you start reading yo’ emails and then maybe you’d remember it was Krazy Hat Day.

Yaaas, Gawd!! Yaaas!! I finally flat ironed my hair in under 2 1/2 hours. Thank you, Jesus!

Imma need police protection when Neva realizes I stole this dress right outta her suitcase.

That heifer better not get grass stains on my fringe while she’s down there. That ain’t cheap.

I keep telling Miss D you snatch a wig from the top, like this…but she never listens to me.

That lady yelling about cows got me so startled that all my damn cards are messed up now.

Aw Hell Nah. I know she did not just say ‘Heifer’ in front of all those little babies.

A Bring It! PSA:

Safety First, people.

Always Safety First.

You might want to put on your protective goggles and crazy hats this week.

Maybe even a little extra wig tape, too.  Cuz you never know.

And since we’ll all be staying up past our bedtimes, some of you might wanna slam a Red Bull before we get started.  We don’t want you dozing off in the middle of all the hilarity.

Trust me.  It gon git cray, yo.

This week, Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls were taking on the biggest, busiest, most hectic schedule in the history of the Dollhouse Dance Factory.

Evah.

Not one.

Not two.  Not even three.

But four.  FOUR Dancing Dolls performances in one week.

Count ’em.

It was Homecoming Week at Alcorn State University and the Dolls had been asked to perform in the parade and half-time show.  A huge opportunity.  And one that Miss D couldn’t pass up for nuthin, cuz you know how Mama does love herself some white go-go boots marching down Main Street.

Performing at Alcorn State, a historically black college founded in 1871, was a great chance for the girls to not only get more exposure and experience, but to also just have some good ol’ judge-free FUN.

Sporting Side note:  The ASU Braves won the SWAC Championship two years in a row and also became the first SWAC Eastern Division team to repeat as champions.

So, yeah.  They deserve a parade.  #Back2Back, baby.

Non-Sporting Side Note:  Despite their athletic prowess, ASU can’t seem to get my computer to stop spellchecking Alcorn as ‘Acorn’ so I apologize in advance if I miss a typo and refer to this fine academic institution as a nut that squirrels hoard.

In addition to Alcorn, the Dolls were also headed to the Touchdown to Buckdown Competition where they would be performing in both Field Show and Stand Battle categories.  With Special Guest Stars: The DDPs and Baby Dolls!

So, yeah.  Full plate.

And one which Mama Mimi attempted to discuss with new Captain Camryn as they drove across town to practice, but Cammie was totally just looking out the window at boys the whole time.  Am I wrong?  Look at that cute face and then tell me she didn’t just see a fine piece of sumthin out there. ♥

Sorry, Mimi…but I don’t think the ‘Boys Have Cooties’ thing is gonna work much longer.

And as if that grueling schedule wasn’t enough, the Dolls would also be coming face to face with there arch nemesis Neva McGruder and her Divas Of Olive Branch.

You remember Neva.

She’s a Diva, you know.

Hold that thought, mmmkay?

Since the Dolls would be performing on a football field at the competition, it only made sense to rehearse on a football field this week.

Where Mimi wore this, of course.  Even though it wasn’t sunny.  Or raining.

But it was Mimi, so it doesn’t have to make sense.

Yup.  Just as crazy in the profile shot.

One.  When you’re eating your corndog at the State Fair and there’s no table in the shade, what’re you supposed to do?  It’s hot in Jackson.  Stupid hot.

Two.  When Global Warming finally kicks in and Mimi’s eyes are the only ones double-protected from a freak solar flair during an acid rainstorm while everyone else is running around cuz they weaves be getting wet…well…who’s laughing now?

Plus, look at all the beachy waves she was hiding under that NutJob headgear.

A girl’s gotta protect her investment, y’all.

We love Mimi.  So hard.

And Tina, of course, whose shirt was all blurred out like it was nasty or something.

And Rittany, who’s still so It’s Rittany, Bitch that I have no words.

Two High Fives just for that hat, girl.  Doesn’t she look like she just found the first clue on The Amazing Race or something?

And don’t forget Selena, who was back to all her whacky Seloncé goodness this week.  If you like it then you should’ve gone insane on it.

This show.  I swear.  Dos horas, por favor.

Full Disclosure:  The Homecoming routines were all about the SWAC Style, which I totally had to Google.  But now with a few more youtube videos under my belt, somebody’s gonna have to watch my purse while I hit the dance floor this weekend, if you know what I mean.

Tina, Mimi, Seloncé and a few other Mamas were handpicked for the Field Show routine, which meant that Rittany, NaShumba and the Original Dancing Doll© Dana all got benched.

Dat’s rite.  Seloncé got picked.

We also got to see a flashback of Mimi’s Homecoming dress.  Please do enjoy.
And then Twitter broke when everyone started asking questions about Seloncé’s butt.  I dunno what to tell you about it.  I just know that it’s a good day for everyone involved when Selena Williams and the Kardashians get tagged in the same tweet.
Same, honey.

With only 4 days to go, it was chaos.

Newbie Faith got cut from the Field Show, which made her cry in the car on the way home.  Which in turn made me sad.  She’s so freakin’ cute and just needs to get her Dancing Doll mojo on and then she’ll be fine.

A number of other dancers were also cut to trim the herd, since wonky lines and wiggly jiggly formations were the two critiques heard most often from all the judges so far this season.  The Dolls know their shizz, but sometimes having 247 of them on the floor at the same time…well, you get what you get.

Back out on the field a few days later, Seloncé was having trouble channeling her inner Beyoncé and Dianna wasn’t having it.

The Baby Dolls were up way past their bedtime and getting sleepy.  The big girls were getting wonky again.  Everyone was bumping into each other.  It wasn’t pretty.

So Dianna pulled everyone to the bleachers and laid down some smack.  You know the s***’s about to get real when Mimi even takes off her umbrella hat, chile.

Kayla took the Battle Squad inside to work on their Stands while Miss D ran the rest of the crew through a special Neva The Diva routine that she had created for the grand finale.

It was gonna be Off.  The.  Chain.

Spoiler Alert: This might happen before the show is over.

After a nice bonding moment between the Old and New Captains, everyone headed home to get some snooze.  It was gonna be a long haul for the Dolls this upcoming weekend.

Q.  Is it just me, or is Kayla’s hair getting bigger every week?  

I mean.  Chaka.  Chaka Khan.  Let me rock you.

She totally gets it from her Mama, tho.  (Kayla, that is.  I don’t know Chaka personally.)

Finally, it was Showtime!

First up was the Homecoming Parade, which they nailed.  When there are no judges and no scores and you can just do what you love to do in white go-go boots…it’s a guaranteed win.  The girls had So.  Much.  Fun.

Actual Unseen Director’s Cut Parade Footage:  Look at Rihanna making fun of Ariana Grande for trying to dance like Crystianna.

She wishes.

Bonus Points:  Tina’s ‘Straight Outta…’ shirt.  Boom to the Haters.

After a quick switcheroo into some pretty fly black & gold outfits, the Dolls wrecked the Alcorn Halftime Show.  Wrecked it.  That marching band was huuuuuuge.

Then finally, it was Showtime…Part Two!

And time for my boy Jay Fever For The Flavor Johnny Harrington V to get this party started in the latest threads from his line of comfy Logo Weekend Wear.  Once again, JDawg was decked out in school color signature @jayfever, looking like the cover of Vibe Magazine’s Year End Best Of issue.

Fashion Truth:  When your outfit matches the team mascot spray painted on the football field behind you AND the sparkly stuff in the corner of Tina’s eyeballs, then you know your fit’s on point.   Jay is da bomb.  Your argument is irrelevant.

First out on the field for the show were the Divas Of Olive Branch.  And Neva.

Who’s…you know.

The rules stated that you could have anything up to…and including…farm animals as part of your Field Show, so Neva was part of the festivities.  And you can read into that as much or as little snark as you want, depending on how you feel about the DOB’s coach, keeping in mind that…
Side note:  What was this lady doing with her tongue while Neva was giving the pep talk?

I love Neva.

Especially when she unleashed all that two-toned Diva Awesomeness like…

And just kept giving and giving Mardi Gras Realness…

…until the internet had no choice but to post this beefy gentlemen online with so many hilariously inappropriate hashtags that you may have to tell the kids to leave the room for a few minutes while you Google it.
 She totally matched the box.  You can’t even make this stuff up anymore.

The DOB were followed by the Original Divas School Of Dance (…shoutout to that Big Gurl who owned the field!…) and then the Golden Prancerettes.  The whole thang was amazing.

And then the Dolls hit the grass.  With Seloncé and the DDPs.  Would she choke?  Would Tina have to pop the trunk on that (…allegedly new or old…) a**?  Because she totally threatened her with that one during the pre-game lineup.

I don’t think so.  Someone call Destiny’s Child, please.  Because my girl was on fiyah.

Seloncé walked out onto that field (…that’s Tina on the left, BTW…) all like…

And then got her hair outta the way all like…

And then leaned back like ‘LetsDoThisThing’…
Until the whole audience just went…

Side note:  Maybe they should dial down the sugar for some of these kids between routines.  That little green one doesn’t even know where she is right now.

Field Show?  Nailed.  It.

There were DDPs and Babies and full size Dancing Dolls running around that field like I don’t know what.  It was SmackYoMama good.  By the time Dianna took over and busted out  so many Death Drops that I lost count, the whole audience was pretty much… 

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Since there was no locker-filled hallway to walk down this week, Neva and Miss D met up between some chain link chicken wire contraption that reminded me of those signs you always see at the the zoo that say ‘Don’t Stick Your Finger Inside The Cage.’

Because you shouldn’t.

I mean.  Look at that.  I wouldn’t.

Stand Battle Round One:  Original Divas vs. DOB.  Olive Branch moving on to the finals.

Stand Battle Round Two:  Golden Prancerettes vs. Dancing Dolls.  Dolls moving on!

Which meant…drumroll…

Dancing Dolls vs. the Divas Of Olive Branch for the title!  And this is where it got good.

The DOB sent out some Raggedy Ann doll to get pushed around by the Olive Branch girls.  Get it?  Dolls taking a beat down?  I see what you did there, Neva Diva.

Side note:  You know the rules by now.  This is for show, kids.

Violence is never the answer.

Not to be outdone, tho, Miss D sent in the cops to bust up this party.

Literally.

Programming note:  At today’s performance, the role of Neva McGruder will be played by Makeup Guy Jay in full on, full face drag, bitches.  So you bettah werk.
I had a feeling Neva might not like this one.
Jay came out and did his best NevaDance to the hoots and hollers of the crowd.

Everyone was going straight (…a term I use loosely right now…) up bonkers.

Not Nerds.  Bonkers, hunty.

Jay twerked.  Neva freaked.  Jay booty popped.  Neva freaked.

And then Officer Williams came out to break it all up.

She even snatched Jay’s weave.  I swear.

Just snatched it right off her head.

Like…snatched.
By the time Jay ran off the field like I do before they turn on the fluorescents at Closing Time, I was done.  I don’t even remember what happened after that.
I’m pretty sure the Dancing Dolls won everything, because I remember them putting all the trophies into the bus.  But I can’t be sure.

There was also one busted up trophy on the ground that I believe Neva threw in a fit of unsportsmanlike behavior.  Sore Loser, much?

Lawd.  This show.  Gimme a minute.

Yeah.  It was a good week for the Dolls.

Let’s do it again next time.

DD4L!