Bring It!: Lookie, Lookie, Lookie. Here Comes Cookie…Again!! It’s Bucking Ballerinas And Mama Makeover Time.

When I smack that new Mama back into 1987, I hope she don’t forget to pick up my Maybelline.

Imma ’bout to make sure yo’ makeup AND yo’ face is beat if you don’t dial all that down a notch.

Check it out, yo. Beyoncé was right. Pretty Hurts.

Your Ugly Thug, Embrace you must. Buck or Don’t Buck. There is no Cute.

Aw Hell Naw. There is already so much wrong with this blog and we’re still on the damn pictures.

This, tho. #Slay.

I know he didn’t just leave without giving me some of them tasty snacks in that Ziplock baggie.

Tick.

Tick.

And Boom, y’all.

True dat.  Bring It! set the floor on fire last week when Dianna Williams and her Jackson Dancing Dolls returned for Season 3 of Lifetime‘s monster hip hop hit with something like 1.8 million viewers all trying to break Twitter at the same time.  And that was just with a bootleg no mercy/no rules Street Battle in an airplane hanger.

Srsly.  Did we ever figure out what that building was supposed to be?  I know they’re in the process of closing something like 40 Macy’s stores, but I never saw an escalator unless it was covered up with all that Fresh Prince of Bel-Air graffiti.

Yo, home.  Smell you later.

The Street Battle was smoking.

But this week was when the parquet would really get hot, because Miss D and the Dolls were headed to the Fire On The Floor Competition…the first mile on the long Road to the Battle Royale.  And that meant getting right down to bidnezz asap.

Looking pretty comfy in her new office (…You catch that 2 second subliminal flash of ‘DMW Dianna Williams Incorporated’ fresh paint up there on the wall?  You go, Miss Thang.  Can’t pay the bills with other people’s opinions, ‘aight?…) Dianna and Assistant Coach Kayla were busy laying out the game plan for the week.

Besides being the first competition of the new season, the upcoming event would also bring the Dolls face-to-face once again with the Elite Starz Of Nashville and their technicolor coach Tyrus Sellers.

Dat’s rite.  Flip the lid on the cookie jar one mo’ time, Boo.  He’s back.

I know you remember Tyrus.  Cuz we love him.

Granted, he’s a mess.  A big sparkly hot one.  But he’s the good kind of sparkly hot mess that we all need in our lives right now.  From his neon pink hair that I swear is created from the same can of Krylon construction workers use to mark sidewalks so they don’t accidentally drill into your cable lines, to the kind of eyebrows you only see on Sephora posters during the holidays, Dude is completely off the train tracks.  Literally so far over the top that he’s up and over and back down the other side already before you can even get your two snaps into a Z-formation.

Take some of this…

And dump some of this on it…
And then put some more of this on top to make sure it sticks…
And maybe another coating of this just to be safe…
 And then layer this on top…
…and, yeah…you pretty much end up with this…
Tyrus is back.  And the world is a better place now.

But before we got the Full Tyrus Vegas Experience, there was a lot of work to be done.

This week’s competition had the Dolls performing in both Stand Battle and Solo Creative Dance categories.  With only 7 veterans remaining on her Battle Squad, both of the routines were proving to be a challenge for Dianna.  The Team entry would require old and new dancers to mesh seamlessly despite only having been together a short time, while the Solo dance needed to go to the strongest of the strong to guarantee the Dolls started the season off with a win.

With less than a week to go, everyone was already feeling the pressure.

Crystianna (…The Silent Killer…) Star and newbie Faith were plucked out for the solo auditions.  All three went head to head like pros.

And all three did well, even though Star had a few beats where she was just going through the motions and Faith struggled to not be so damn cute all the time.

As Mama Dana explained it, her baby girl Faith was still not sure how to embrace her Ugly Thug.  So that makes two of us now, honey.  Don’t feel bad.

Side note:  You see Dana driving Faith to the Dollhouse in that necklace?  I don’t know why she even bothered with the seatbelt cuz she ain’t going anywhere weighed down with all that bling.  Mama do love her chunkies.

DVR Note:  For anyone who had to step out of the room for a second, Rittany reenacted Faith’s dance, much to Dana’s chagrin.  And it was pretty amazing.
The World According To Dana:  Faith is cute cuz she get it from her Mama.

So there’s that, I guess.

Crystianna ended up winning the solo spot.  Hopefully her on-again/off-again sketchy knee wouldn’t become an issue.  Stay tuned.

With only two days to go, it was time to ramp up the rehearsing and dial down the blush.

Turns out that Dana is not a big fan of Rittany’s (…alleged…) 1987 makeup palette or my girl Tina‘s penchant for iron-on DD4L tee shirts, so it was time to do something about it whether they wanted to or not.

It was time for a Mama Makeover Sleepover in the IKEA Lounge/Viewing Room!

In came Dana, juggling an armload of red Ann Taylor blazers, all the Claire’s makeup mirrors she could carry and two bags of her own bat s*** crazy.

It was like Fashion Week when all the vendors show their shizz to the Bloomingdale’s buyers, except they don’t yell at you during the presentation or make fun of the puffiness under your eyes.

Q.  Isn’t this the same necklace that’s on the coat hanger?

Dana even brought in one of those plastic heads they use in cosmetology school to practice razor cuts and smokey eyes.  And it was named Regina.  Because why not.

Mimi was all like ‘I Don’t Think So’…

Rittany was all like this…
Selena was all like ‘Thanks, But I’m Already Too Pretty’…
And then Tina did this to her face and I needed a moment.
After a few minutes of chaos and bad blending, everyone came to the same conclusion…
Duh.

Dear Lifetime:  I.  Love.  This.  Show.  And if you’re not gonna make it two hours, I’ll settle for 1 hour episodes, 7 days a week.  Get on that, willya?

As the DDPs all scrambled for wet-naps and cold cream, it was clear that Crystianna’s janky knee was becoming a bigger concern as the rehearsals went on.  Dancing was important.  But so was being able to walk across the stage to receive her diploma in a few years.  Dianna pulled The Silent Killer from her solo and handed it off to Makya.

Safety First.

Spoiler Alert:  Makya’s another one of those quiet ones you gotta watch out for, FYI.

Bonus Points:  Tina’s black & white striped SuperKaylaShirt.  If Clark Kent worked at Foot Locker, that is totally what he would wear every day.  Tina can do no wrong.

Did we already discuss how Camryn is killing it as Captain this season?

Because she is.

And does anyone know if the APAC Performing Arts School is still open?

Oh, snap.  Yup.  Went there.

Finally, it was Showtime!

The Elite Starz Of Nashville arrived, all Orange and Turquaaaaah, as well as the Divine Dolls and Royale.  Tyrus was already preaching to the choir before they even made it off the bus.  Yaaaaas, hunny.  They gonna beat the Dolls…

But before they hit the floor, Tyrus and Dianna had to meet up in the hallway.  Because this is Lifetime Television.  And that’s how they do.

Miss D was looking so fine in a skin tight red number from her 2015 HatersGonnaHate line, while Tyrus was rocking some kind of Tommy Bahama floral-looking top, accessorized with 20 pounds of gold chain and a Ziplock baggie full of cookies.

Dianna was all like ‘OhHeyBoo’ and Tyrus was all like ‘MmmHmmm’  and leaning back and forth like the Earth was shifting on its axis and messing up his equilibrium.

I love how there’s always some random person in the background just chillaxing on their Sidekick like you can even get reception in the back hallway of an auditorium.

Turn on the TV, LaQuanda.  I’m on Bring It!

Full Disclosure:  Just jealous.  That’ll be me someday.  #LifeGoals.

After busting out a Radio City Rockette Ninja karate kick, Tyrus broke down The Robot Dance and then sashayed away like his leggings were turning on him.

Let’s be honest.  There is not one single thing about this show that I understand, but I love every minute of it.

Now…finally, it was Showtime!

But wait.  What?

Where was my boy Jay Fever Johnny Harrington Carrington Washington V?

Who’s gonna emcee this shindig?  Where was the JayMan?

Not gonna lie.  Got a little concerned.  But it’s all good.  Turns out Mr. Fever just had to pass off the gig to his buddy Antwon McClain, who filled in just fine.

A cross between the guy who produced Janet Jackson‘s Control album and the guy who kicks you out of the club every weekend for wearing a hat when the sign clearly says “No Hats No Sneakers,” Antwon was a big dude who held the microphone all the way up at the top like Luther Vandross used to do.

Fun Fact:  There’s another Antoine that’s spelled differently who plays football.  Not that this guy couldn’t, of course.  Look at the size of this bruiser.  Not sure if he does or not, tho.  Maybe on the weekends or on Thanksgiving after the big meal.  But the other one does for sure.

And even though this Antwon did a stellar job hosting the event, I know you were missing the JayDawg.  We all were.  So please do enjoy this small montage of his bow ties:

Side note:  Look at how Selena pushed somebody down and just slid into that last picture like a Boss.  Photo Bomb this, bitches.

After a quick prayer, it was the Solo category.

E’rrybody did great, but Makya Shut. It. Down. with her S.W.A.T. Team jail break gymnastics.  That girl has mad skills.

By the time the actual Stand Battle began, the audience was losing their marbles.

Round One:  Elite Starz vs. Divine Dolls.  Divine Dolls moving on.

No way.  Nobody could believe it.  The Elite Starz were eliminated?

Till next time…

Round Two:  Royale vs. Dancing Dolls.  DD4L gets it done.  Barely.

Backstage, Miss D was not happy that the new and old Dolls were messing up on some formations and technique.  It was time for some Tough Love Coaching.

And nervous pee, I think.  Look at their faces.  The Doll on the left got so stressed out that one of her Eye Black stickers popped off.

But you know how Miss D do.  She loves these girls and only gets heated when she knows they can do better.  Remember what the core values of this show are before you start hate tweeting anyone for yelling at little kids.

And I guess it worked, because when the Dolls hit the floor for the final Stand Battle, they were legit on fiyah and gave the Divine Dolls a run for their money.
When it was over, the Dancing Dolls took First Place in both Solo and Stand Battle.

Clean.  Sweep.

Dancing Dolls snatched all the trophies.

Because THAT is how you start a season, people.

Let’s do it again soon.  Like next week, maybe.

Until then, you know what you need to do…right?

DD4L!