Bring It!: Even A Really Bad Week Will Eventually Get Better. You Just Need To Have Faith Faith Faith…And Faith.

I dunno who the hell that lady is behind me, but I don’t like the way she’s been looking at my globe.

Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack

I know if you don’t take that hand outta my face they gonna need to build one more pine box.

That woman ain’t shut up since she got here. She’s gonna scare all the dang ducks away.

Y’all don’t have to whistle every time I walk into the room. I know I’m gorgeous. E’rrybody does.

Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack

Why you always gotta be assuming I’m too lazy to do my hair? Maybe I just like hats.

Sing along if you’d like.

Faith.

Sometimes you gotta have Faith.  You gotta have Faith.

Because you gotta have Faith.  Faith.

You gotta have Faith.  Faith.  Faith.

Really.  You do.

Just ask George Michael.

Or Dana.

Because, clearly, they’ve both been going on and on about it for years now.

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, as we learned this week when Bring It! brought it to the Clear The Lane Competition.  Faith can be a good thing.

Side note:  Two notes, actually.

If I’m really so old that nobody else got that post-Wham! opening musical reference, then Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls aren’t the only ones who will be having a long Week from Hell.  Trust me.

And if I can’t get a job as the person who chooses the actual Toddlers & Tiaras names, I’d like to apply for the position of the person who comes up with these Set The Floor On Fire While You Burn A Hole In Yo’ Sweater Cuz You Weren’t Paying Attention To The Hot Iron battle names.

Because They.  Are.  A-mazing.

Just like this show.

After making a clean sweep in their first competition of the season, everyone was back in the Dollhouse Dance Factory and ready to get to work on the next one.

Crystianna‘s wonky knee seemed to be improving after sitting out last week’s solo, which was great news.  Aunt Rittany had been massaging and wrapping and heating and icing and ibuprofen-ing (…did I just make up a word?…) that thing for days now, to the point where she was even referring to herself in the third person as some new character on General Hospital that she made up in her head.

Paging Dr. Anderson to the ER.  Stat.

We have someone being petty, not pretty.  Bring a crash cart, some lipstick, that tee shirt right there and your sparkly pink phone.  Because you’re Instagram posts are the best.

We.  Love.  Rittany.

And Mimi.  And Tina.  And Selena.  And NaShumba when she talks.

I’m even learning to enjoy that new Mama Dana.  She cray.

And you know, I’m sure I would love those two other ladies who are always standing next to Miss D in the Dollhouse if I had a clue who they were.  You know who I’m talking about?

They just kinda showed up this season and nobody on Twitter seems to know who they are…not that I creep Twitter, I mean.  One wears a scarf on her head and the other one looks like she’s assisting Dr. Anderson in Pediatrics.

It’s like when Janet Jackson used to go on Good Morning America and always arrived with those two bad a** chicks walking behind her just in case anyone tried to snatch her purse while she was getting mic’d up.

5…4…3…2…1.

Like I said.  I have no idea who they are, but I’m pretty sure that neither you nor your child want to mouth off or act a fool around them.

Dianna Williams has an entourage now.  That’s just awesome.

At this week’s competition, the Dolls would be performing in both Creative With Prop and Stand Battle categories.  And Miss D wanted to make them BIG.  As in Life-Size.

The Creative Dance was going to incorporate 3 different styles of dance, all shoved inside a gigantic snow globe that had yet to be built.  What could possibly go wrong?

Ken’Janae would be busting out Hip Hop.  Crystianna would show them all how Jazz is done.  And the third style, Ballet, would be put up for auditions between Alyssa, Faith, Canary and Deaja.

Side note:  I’m pretty certain that I’ve misspelled at least 72% of these Dolls’ names over the last 3 seasons.  I apologize for not having a program to follow.  Macbook Pros are definitely not designed to spellcheck anything on reality television.

Especially Hip Hop Majorette teams and Full Glitz Pageants.  I swear.

This week’s competition would also bring them face to face with their long time rivals the Prancing Tigerettes again, so you already knew that in the time leading up to the event there would be plenty of scenes where Coach Quincy Oliver was being all Extra and threatening to bring down the Dolls and just generally getting all Quincy in our faces.

And there were.  Straight Outta DramaTown.  We love Quincy.

Since you’ve already seen the commercials and know that Faith ended up doing the Ballet section, we’ll move right along after giving Alyssa some props.

It was nice to see her get some camera time.  You go, #BuckingBarbie.
Before, during and after the auditions, all the Mamas were parked out back in the IKEA Lounge/Viewing Room getting their buttons pushed by Dana.

Lawd, geezis.  That lady does love to talk.

Especially about her daughter, Faith.

Faith.  Her daughter.  The Ballet Tsunami Girl.

And for those of you who missed it:  Faith.

Who is adorbz, BTW.

Fashion Flashback:  In the midst of all the hilarity, Tina’s signature RedWig made a surprise guest appearance!  It was back!  But it wasn’t quite the original version we all cherished back in Season One.  You know the one.  The one that came with that bonus black velvet bow already attached to the hair before you even take it out of the bag…

This one was more like RedWig 2.0…
And it was Sassy.

Look at my girl, all posing like it’s Senior Picture Day.  Sheeeoooot.  Dat’s what I’m talking ’bout, Miss T.  Excuse me?  What’s that?  What?

Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the hearts breaking.

Next, since there’s no such thing as too much Dana, we tailed her all the way back home so we could watch her try and put some ugly thug into her overly cute daughter.

You remember her, right?  Faith.  The Ballet Tsunami Girl.

Dana’s house seemed very nice, even though the only thing not completely blurred out in crime show post-production editing was an enormous artificial floral arrangement that I would have been completely ok with not seeing.

Dana does love to talk.  And shop at HomeGoods, apparently.

Gah.  We love this show.

And then it was Dana Hunting Season.

Or Rabbit.  Or Duck.

Or all the above, maybe.

Rittany showed up (…all matchy-matchy with her back wall and hair and hunting plaid thing going on…) carrying a bag of those L.L.Bean duck whistles for all the Mamas to blow every time Dana started quacking about her daughter.

I could already tell where this was going.  You might wanna cover your ears for a few.

In comes Dana…and sho’ nuff…

Faith.  Faith.  Faith.

Mimi was all like…QUACK!

And Tina was all like…QUACK!

Then Mimi went back in for one mo’ QUACK!
And then even this guy got his QUACK on…
I don’t even know what that means.

But nothing stopped Dana from talking, even after she figured out what wassup with the Mamas.  Nope.  She just kept quacking and quacking all around the room like…

…until even this little guy was all like Shaddup Dana…
Q.  Do I really have to ask for this show to be 2 hours long again?

And then Dianna got the call.

The SnowGlobe Man couldn’t produce the snow globe in time for the competition.

Short Version:  They ended up having to go with three individual life-size plexiglass boxes, like you would use to display collectable porcelain figurines at Dana’s house.  And you totally know the ones I’m talking about.  They’re either dancing or hugging or holding up small children like the opening of The Lion King.

I wish we had enough time to go in-depth on the other ideas the Mamas had for replacing the snow globe, because just Selena’s Dance of the Snow Ribbons and NaShumba’s description of bibles coming down from the ceiling on invisible wires while Cirque du Soleil clowns rode on unicycles made me wish this show was 3 hours long.

Mimi.  Toot your CrazyHorn one mo’ time, pleez.

Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay Fever Johnny Harrington Carrington Paddington V to return to his rightful position as Host and Emcee of these shindigs.

JDawg was back, yo!

Not that my new boy Antwon (…I call him ‘Twon’ now, cuz we tight…) McClain didn’t nail the stand-in job last week.  Cuz he did.  And he didn’t put out a cease & desist order on me for calling him Luther Vandross.  That was appreciated, lemme just say.

But this week Twon was off accepting an Espy Award for the most tackles in a Super Bowl game or something, so Jay was back in the driver’s seat where he belonged.

And looking pretty fly with his bow tie and pocket square and lapel pin, I must say.

It was a Fashion Trifecta.  FYI:  Real Men Wear Pink.

And you know that judge on the right was liking it.  A lot.

What’s she looking at down there?  Gurl, you nasty.

Oh, yeah.  Mama likes.

 True Story:  The longer Jay stood in front of the desk, the more she got all like…

Oh, JDawg.  You Dog.

The Divas Of Dance were first out with their Creative routine.  It involved pistol whipping and so much violence that I thought I was watching CNN for a moment.  It also didn’t get very high praise from anyone due to the current gun situation in our world right now.

Not sure what they were thinking.

The Prancing Tigerettes crawled out next with some kind of jungle themed production number that had so much going on with the props in the background that I don’t remember much except that one girl dressed up as a lion.

And then it was Faith’s time to shine.

Ballet at a Hip Hop competition?  That’s just crazy pants.

But she nailed it.  And it was important to Dianna that she expose her girls to as many styles of dance as possible.  There’s a whole big world out there waiting for them someday and she wants to prepare them as best she can.

Bcause that’s what she does best.  I heart Miss D…

Fashion Flashback:  …and Miss D’s sparkle pants.

Now, I know.  They didn’t really look anything like anything in this video.  But something about them reminded me of this dance.  Plus I like this video.

And it’s my blog.  And let’s be real…theres no such thing as a bad time for Hammer Time.

Or Stand Battle Time!

Round One:  Prancing Tigerettes vs. Dancing Dolls.  The Dolls take the win and move on to the finals.  Quincy had a QuincyMoment.  Remember when he wore this one time?

Round Two:  Dancing Dolls vs. Divas Of Dance…all five of them.

What?  It’s a lot easier for a small group of girls to maintain tight lines and transitions.

Uh oh.

Both groups got it done, tho.  They left it on the floor, as the saying goes.

And then it was Trophy Time!

Creative Dance:  The Dolls TIED with the Prancing Tigerettes for First Place.

Hold up.  Say wha–?  In the Real World, I guess there was a tie-breaker Captain’s Solo thingamajig that they didn’t show in the TV World, which is unfortunate because I love seeing Coach Cammie in action.  But it’s a TV show, after all.

Speaking of, tho.  Can you believe that this young lady…

…used to be this little niblet just a few years ago?
That’s as crazy as that red bow.  Where does the time go?

And then the Dolls came in Second Place, losing to the Divas Of Dance in the Stand Battle.

But t’s ok, because it’s not always about winning.  It’s about learning and growing and improving and coming back stronger next time.  Because you’ll never win everything in Life.

That’s why they call it Life.

Naturally, the coach for the Divas Of Dance gave one of those thirsty ‘We Didn’t Even Know Who The Dancing Dolls Were’ speeches to her team and camera crew after the win.

Dancing Dolls Who?  Never heard of them.

Yeah.  Ok.

And then it was over for another week.

Back to the Dollhouse, y’all.

After this, of course…

True dat.
Honk us outta here, Tina.

DD4L!