Family Magazine

Blogher 12- Day 1. Consensus - I'm Old.

By Guerrillamom @mariaguido
There are a lot of people in Midtown Manhattan.  I live in New York, so you think I would have remembered that.
I got out of the subway yesterday at Rockefeller Center, and descended upon the Hilton.  There were about a zillion tourists and about 14 different conventions going on.  Okay, I exaggerate a little - but you get the picture.
I'm not the greatest planner.  I skimmed the Blogher newsletters that told you what was going on and where everything was.  Do you think I remembered any of that, once I hit the sea of people, at one of the busiest hotels, in one of the most populated cities in America?  No.  The answer is no.  So I basically walked around in a confused stupor, trying to remember what exactly I was trying to accomplish.  I got my badge, and headed toward the expo to retrieve my coveted Blogher tote.
This is one of the first things I saw:
Blogher 12- day 1.  Consensus - I'm old.
How do you feel about getting old.  Really?  I just got here.  Why are you thrusting deep metaphysical questions in my direction.  Answer:  not great.  I don't feel great about getting old - it sucks.  How do you feel about fucking off, giant cardboard taunter?  I stopped, and answered "optimistic" (lie), and made my way to the swag.
Swag.  Overwhelming.  I get overwhelmed easily and just figured I didn't want to carry any of it.  Until I heard they were giving away vibrators.  I made a bee line for the Trojan booth.  I got to the front of the line, and gave the dude my media kit.  It is the only one I gave out yesterday.  He pulled out one vibrator, and handed it to me.  Then he started talking about some of their other products, and pulled out the super vibrator with 3 interchangeable heads.
Him:  Do you want this one, too?
Me:  I want all the vibrators.  I mean, yes.  I do.  Thanks.
Procuring the vibrators put me in a good mood, so I decided to give the expo hall another chance.  I happened upon a manicure booth by Kiss Nail Dress, and grabbed some samples for my step daughter.  Maybe I shouldn't have just grabbed them, because a girl approaches me and says, Fill out our survey, and we'll give you a gift bag!  I'm feeling a little guilty because I've probably taken more than they give out in their gift bag, so I take the survey.  I get to the results screen, and it says something like, You are older... I stop reading at that point.  How in the hell does this computer know I am older?  I said Rihanna was my style guru, for Christ sakes. (Not true, but I didn't know who the other two options were.)  Mood ruined.  I head to the bar.  The real bar, in the hotel lobby, because I want a martini.
I sit at the bar and have a martini.  I pay for the martini.  It's $21.  Holy crap.  I head to the People's Party.
The People's Party is a room full of people that seem to know each other.  I know no one, so I pick a table with an empty seat and join that group.  The universe loves me.  I sit next to Funky Brown Chick and Jenn motherfucking Pozner.  Jenn Pozner!  We talk about sex and politics and take pics like long, lost BFF's.

Blogher 12- day 1.  Consensus - I'm old.

Jenn Pozner and Funky Brown Chick

Blogher 12- day 1.  Consensus - I'm old.

Guerrilla Mom and Jenn Pozner

Funky Brown Chick confirms my lifelong suspicion that the vaginal orgasm is a myth.  Well, not really, but she agrees that they are harder to come by.  My night has taken an awesome turn.  I walk into the hall and see Scary Mommy.  Scary Mommy!   I freaking love this woman and can't believe I get to meet her in person.  She is the coolest woman ever, and gives me her cell number in case I feel overwhelmed by the next day's activities and need to text someone.  I resist the urge to beg her to leave the whole convention behind, and paint the town red with me.  I can be cool when necessary.
This post is getting too long, and my son needs some attention.  I'll quickly say I ended the night hanging out with Somebody's Parent, who is adorable and fun, and cut the dessert line with Good Girl Gone Redneck.  Yay, churros!  Then I met Deb Rox and Mama Non Grata, whose talk I will be attending in a couple hours.
To sum up - Blogher rocks.  And, yes, I'm old - but who cares.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog