Blog : Rantings n' Ravings Volume XIII: 1-4-2013: The Trash Eating Stinkbag Edition

The Rantings and Ravings of a Malcontented Loudmouth: Volume XIII: 1-4-13
The Trash Eating Stinkbag Edition

And I cursed and I swore as I drove out of sight, shouting, "**** on you all, you F'd up my Night"
Bdeff following the Steelers 12/16 loss to the Dallas Cowboys.
Let me start off stating, "I am sorry that I am late with that quote!" Feel free to pass me a hardy portion tardy sauce on that one. But hang on, technically if we truly had 12 days of Christmas, we would still be celebrating. So instead of breaking out the tardy sauce, break out your 11 lords of leaping because its only January 4th. After further review, I hereby rescind my previous apology and proclaim, *Shaking fist angrily* I hate you all so much.
Begin Rant
"You guys are the lousiest bunch ever, Yeah I'm talking to you, YOU BUNCH OF TRASH EATING STINKBAGS!"
Bdeff for most of the second half of 2012 season
I admit that I blantantly ripped that quote off from Homer Simpson in Trash of The Titans, but no quote could truly represent my anger at the perceived lack of effort put for by the 2012 version of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who for entirety of this blog shall be herefore referred to as the Trash Eating Stinkbags.

The 2012 Trash Eating Stink Bags began the season by playing down to the level of their opponents: Tennessee, Oakland and finished the season by playing just plain bad football. In my years as a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers, I only witnessed this phenomena once, in 1998. That year I could blame the Steelers collapse on a myriad of factors: Kordell Stewart, injuries and a tremendous exodus of key players to free agency. However the 2012 Trash Eating Stinkbags, were a different entity all together. While exuding confidence (arguably false bravado) there were glaring weaknesses in their game. The 2012 Trash Eating Stink Bags, played only one complete excellent game, the November game vs the Redskins. With the exception of that game, every other game was a myriad of mistakes (both mental and physical), bad play, or bad coaching. More often than not it was a combination of 2 bad sectors of the game lumped together (Offense, defense, special teams or coaching). Now I understand that 8-8 isn't the end of the world. LOUSY MAYANS and their false prophecies *Shaking Fist Angrily*. I know many teams dream of having 8-8 record as a bad year. But the 2012 edition of the Trash Eating Stinkbags could have easily been an 11-5 football team and they could have been known by their real name and not as The Trash Eating Stinkbags. However there play merited, the unflattering nickname, and until I can cleanse the stank of 2012 out of my mouth, I cannot refer to them by their correct name.
So in an effort to exorcise the demons of 2012, I have decided to create a Burn Book about the 2012 Trash Eating Stinkbags. For those of you who don't know, a burn book was popularized in the 2003 movie Mean Girls. A burn book is a nasty diary where sarcastic or simply nasty remarks about a person are recorded.
(Editor note): Here I am referencing the movie Mean Girls again. I am sure that somewhere there is a psycho therapist who would have a field day with a middle aged man making reference to a tween coming of age movie, in not one but two blogs related to football.

To that therapist I simply respond, "LACEY CHABERT as Gretchen Weiners" Settle down she was 21 when the movie was filmed so if you are thinking about calling Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, get that thought out of your head right now.
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(Editor Side note): Do those weirdos on Dateline NBC To Catch a predator really think that attractive young girls are going to want them? I would recommend using this test. To the guys who may get caught in an online sting, take a moment and answer these questions honestly.

"Are women in real life interested in me at all?"
"Am I a virgin over the age of 21?"
"Am I wearing old sweats and a stained T-Shirt?"
"Am I using my parents internet connection?
"Would this girl be interested in me if we met at a mall?
If any of these questions cause reasonable doubt in your mind, don't drive from Duluth Minnesota to Battle Creek, Michigan to meet that young girl, because more than likely its a sting. So don't do it!
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I am exempting the following players because (In my opinion) I feel they played well enough to not make the burn list. Those players are: Brett Keisel, Cortez Allen, Will Allen, Steve McClendon, Heath Miller, Max Starks, Ryan Clark, Lawrence Timmons, and Sean Suisham. These players in my opinion played like Pittsburgh Steelers for the majority of 2012. So congratulations on a team of trash eating stink bags, you managed to play like Pittsburgh Steelers.
Ok Back to the 2012 Burn Book Edition. Please note that there will be nothing positive written here. If you want to argue points, please do it elsewhere. I don't want rational discussion at this time. Instead I want to rant and **** vinegar for one final time on the 2012 version of Trash Eating Stinkbags. Feel free to add your own burns at the end. Trust me it will make you feel better.

Ben Roethlisberger: You played the 2nd half of the season as if your head was stuck in your wife's now vacant vaginal canal. Boom Burnt
Byron Leftwich: My grandmother has better mobility and she's on a walker. Boom Burnt
Charlie Batch: Hold out long enough and you can soon get free coffee. Boom Burnt
Rashard Mendenhall: You have the brain the size of a walnut. Boom Burnt
Will Johnson: Why are you even here? Boom Burnt
Johnathan Dwyer: You make me long for Frank Pollard. Boom Burnt
Chris Rainey: I made as many game changing plays as you did. Boom Burnt
Isaac Redman: A race vs Casey Hampton would be very close. Boom Burnt
Mike Wallace: I'd throw an insult your way but you'd probably drop it. Boom Burnt
Antonio Brown: We want 2010-11 Brown back. Boom Burnt
Willie Colon: You make Glass Joe look durable. Boom Burnt
David Decastro: You head and neck look like a thumb. Boom Burnt
Maurkice Pouncey: Pro Bowler on name only Boom Burnt
Ramon Foster: You mean you are not Trai Essex? Boom Burnt
Right Tackles: A revolving door could have been more useful. Boom Burnt
James Harrison: Hey didn't you used to be James Harrison? Boom Burnt
Lamaar Woodley: Without Harrison being Harrison you became Clark Haggans. Boom Burnt
Larry Foote: Your no James Farrior who wasn't James Farrior after 2010. Boom Burnt
Jason Worilds: Potential is great, how about productivity? Boom Burnt
Ziggy Hood: I still call you Ziggy Wylf (owner of the Vikings) after 4 years, not a good sign. Boom Burnt
Casey Hampton: You looked like a big bumblebee in the throwbacks. Boom Burnt
Cameron Heyward: I'd rather have your father on the team. Boom Burnt
Ike Taylor: I could see you, and so could the refs, Pass int. number 24. Boom Burnt
Troy Polamalu: Good to see Duce Staley's old role was being filled. Boom Burnt
Keenan Lewis: Didn't someone declare they'd be a Pro Bowler this season? Boom Burnt
Ryan Mundy: You would have fit perfectly on WVU's defense this season Boom Burnt
Drew Butler: I wish your father was on the team too and not you. Boom Burnt
Mike Tomlin: At least you didn't unleash hell this season. Well on the fans you did. Boom Burnt
Todd Haley: Its easy to be a genius with Larry Fitzgerald. Boom Burnt
Dick Lebeau: Two words, Chuck Noll. Boom Burnt.
Kevin Colbert: Rashard Mendenhall, Ziggy Hood, Kraig Urbik, Limas Sweed, Bruce Davis. Boom Burnt.
Man I sure feel better, and with that rant, I have totally cleansed myself of the 2012 Pittsburgh Steelers and I look forward to a successful season in 2013. The meds helped too. :thumbsup: See ya in 2013 and HERE WE GO STEELERS and to the players I burnt in the above rant, I say, PROVE ME WRONG IN 2013. Prove me wrong.
(Editor's Note): No amount of ranting can cleanse the stink of WVU's 2012 season away. I just have learned to bury that pain.
Oh and as usual please give me thumbs down on my content. I want to be known as the most disliked poster on the PSF.

Attached Images

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