Relationship never ends mysteriously. Breakups don't happen out of the blue. There are always subtle signs that show that your relationship is not working out and a breakup is imminent.
When your lover is considering the breakup, he or she will be sending out signals. The receiver ought to become alert to them. If you can detect these signals early and know how to save your relationahsip, maybe you can stop the breakup. Even if it doesn't change the outcome, it can make recovery less difficult, damaging, and devastating for you because taking away the surprise lessens the depth of the wound.
I was told many times by my readers that they did not see it coming and there were no indications their relationship was in trouble.
Well, that is not possible. It has been known that although attraction or love begins to wane and doubt sets in, your boyfriend/girlfriend will still stay in the relationship until they are sure what they want to do.
Yes, it is true that they keep a secret about their wavering feelings, but emotions are difficult to conceal.
During this period of time, the unsuspecting party usually gets mixed signals. However, girls are prone to dismiss the warning signs than guys because girls tend to take any small loving gesture as reassurance that fights and arguments are nothing to be worried about. As a result, they will be more shocked when their boyfriend has finally made up his mind and break the news to them.
" He just say that he just doesn't love me any more." " He says that we are not good for each other. And here I thought we were so happy together' " She just said she was sorry and it is over."I received so many emails from my readers telling me their ex just suddenly ended the relationship and caught them completely off guard. Many of them still don't quite understand why it happened.
One of my readers, Sarah , dated her boyfriend for two and a half years and even got engaged a few months ago. During the whole time they were together, her boyfriend never stayed out all night. Not that she knew of anyway. When she found he was out all night, she figured that he must be cheating. She went to his house to wait for him to come back home and then confront him. He initially gave her all kind of unreasonable excuses, but in the end he came clean. He confessed that he had been seeing another girl for quite some time and he was spending the night with her. While he was at it, he also told Sarah that he wants to break up.
Later, Sarah admitted that looking back there were signs she missed. She thinks that his recent burst of jealousy, checking her phone and e-mail messages may have been evidence of his own guilt. The more she thought about it, the more clues she saw sprinkled over the last several months.
Warning Signs & Signals
We will decipher the most common signs and signals for you. However, try not to jump the gun and decide your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to end the relationship without sufficient evidence.
What you should do is that you should take questionable conduct and analyze it in the context of your entire relationship and watch for corroborating signs.
Breakup Lines
Below is one of the more common breakup lines. If your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you one of the following, you better sit up and listen carefully. He or she may be setting you up:
' ' I love you,but something is missing. Let's be friends."
" I love you, but I am not in love with you. You deserve someone better." " I'm not good enough for you. I can't make you happy." " You are a good girl. But we are not suitable for each other.'" I can't give you what you want."
" I need time to be alone."When you hear these words, don't panic and don't be afraid to react. As a matter of fact, you should respond in a sweet, open-minded way. Take initiative to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend what's missing or why he or she can't possibly make you happy. This way, you can dig out more information and get more insight into the situation , instead of sitting down and thinking about whether or not what he or she was saying was meant to be an breakup line. Take control of the situation and don't lose your grip. The worst thing you can do for yourself is passively waiting for your boyfriend/girlfriend to decide on the fate of your relationship.
Distress Signs
You don't need to rely on just the breakup lines to determine whether or not someone is trying to dump you. There's plenty of proof in his or her actions, which is why you should carefully review the distress signals below:
- Takes trips with someone of the opposite sex other than you
- Shows no curiosity, concern, or tad of jealousy when a past love or someone of the opposite sex calls you or messages you
- Suddenly changes behavior or stop calling you by nicknames
- Frequently cancels plans
- Deliberately attempts to start fights
- Exhibits annoying behavior
- Shows a preoccupation with everything but you
- Makes new references to old loves
- Hints at a need for other people in his or her romantic life as well as yours
Beware of these are glaring signs that love is waning. I am certain that you must have felt loss of comfort, happiness and trust when your partner does any of the above. Take them at face value and begin to seriously consider taking action that benefits you!
Let's look in the bedroom next. The following are hardly signs that love is part of these sexual romps:
- Rushes out after sex and can't spend the night
- Always too tired for sex
- The absence of intimate momentsPersonal insults before, after, or during sex
- Lack of responsiveness
- Derogatory remarks about sexual performance or participation
- Turning over without a kiss or saying good-night
- Interest in their own sexual satisfaction only
- A lack of responsiveness to your sexual overtures
By now, if too many of these clues are adding up, your suspicions may be right on target. He or she is either losing interest or maybe has someone else in mind when they look into your eyes.
Suspecting He/She Might Be Cheating
If you think that your guy or gal may be fooling around with someone else, see if any of these extra-bedroom activities have popped up lately.
- Keeps coming home late
- Unreasonable excuses about his/her questionable whereabouts
- Exhibits a diminished sexual appetite
- Shows an overnight concern with appearance
- Purchase fancy new underwear you never see him or her wearing
- Doesn't look you in the eye
- Stops making those private, affectionate gestures
- Makes secret phone calls you discover
- Leaves receipts around for gifts you don't receive
- Disappears at parties with another man or woman
The signs and signals you have been given thus far should be obvious to the naked eye.
Let's dissect some of our readers' relationship problems:
Ultra-short Term Relationship:
" We have been dating for almost one month. On the next morning of our last date, while having breakfast, he told me that he cannot get married in the near future. Even though he would like to have a long-term relationship, he just doesn't see us going into that way. I said okay, and he thought I didn't get it. So I said to him that I understand what he meant by saying those lines, I know that he wants us to stop seeing each other. And then I asked why, he said that we are too logical and have less passion. And the weird thing here is that he still wants us to be friends, like "just friends".
My Advice: From what I have been told so far, you probably have mentioned marriage in your conversation while you two were still dating. That would explain why he was telling you that he cannot get married in the near future. This is a classical case of girl being too eager to take the relationship to the next level and bringing up the 'M' word too early. Most of guys don't handle this very well. The " we are too logical and have less passion " are just some convenient breakup excuses. When a guy wants to break up with you, there is always a " logical " reason.
Dating A Divorced Father
" Two and a half weeks ago I was blindsided by the man who I thought was the one. I was happy for the first time in years. I had never felt more like me, I liked myself more than I ever did. He and I were so close,and we shared everything. In four months, I became intimately involved in his and his 12 year old child's life. For the first time in my life, I saw a future with someone and it all just made sense. And then, seemingly out of the blue he told me he just "didn't see it." That he didn't feel like he could give me what I was giving him. I gave him a couple of days, then laid it on the line. I wanted him, I wanted him to be in my life and wanted and wished we could work it out. Denied. He says it was one of the hardest and most difficult decision he had ever made in his life (and he's divorced), but he stands by his decision as the best decision. Well, I disagree. One more long email basically laying it all on the line again. I told him I love him and that part of me always will."
My Advice: The fact that you are so in love with him and happy with him might have blinded you from certain signs that he was giving out before the breakup. You mentioned that he told you that he didn't feel like he could give you what you were giving him. That probably means that you were the giver in the relationship. He was feeling the pressure of you being too good to him and he was finding it hard to reciprocate. Also, he was divorced before. The idea of getting into a new marriage might scare him a little. He is probably not prepared for this yet. On the other hand, you have become so involved with his life and also his son's life and are sort of playing the wife's and mother's role. He knows that you are serious about building a future with him, but he is not sure if he can give you what you want - marriage and family.
Single Mums
" I met my ex and had the best 5 hour first date ever. For the next four months, we were so happy in love. He was planning on me meeting his parents and wanted to be so involved in my life as well as my kids. Then 3 weeks ago, I get a "Well I've been thinking we may not be good for each other but I'm scared if we break up you won't be my friend :(". Since then, I mailed him a letter and poured my heart out. I told him I wanted him in my life as a friend and etc No response to that letter or my a total of 3 texts I had sent or my voice mail I left. I just don't get it. How can a man just out of the blue just be gone and have zero contact after he said it was HIS fear? "
My Advice: It is not a stereotype, but singles mums have a more challenging time to make a relationship work. At first, the guys fall for you. Everything was just perfect. He even makes efforts to get involved in your life and also your kids. But, what they fail to do is to have a realistic expectation about what they are getting themselves into and also be mentally prepared for all that. Because of this mismatched expectations, they will often choose to back out or disappear after a while. This cowardly and immature behavior is especially common in younger guys who have never been married or had a kid before. For single mums, be selective on whom you want to date and pick the more mature ones:)
