But I haven't always dealt with blessings properly. Because I haven't balanced out the tragedies with the blessings.
In May of 2014 my wife was singing with her choir at Temple Square. She began to feel unwell. She sat down. She almost passed out. Her speech was slurred and one side of her face was numb and drooping. The EMT in her choir told me to get the car but by the time I did he had called 911 and the paramedics had arrived. Because all the medical personnel were convinced my wife was having a stroke.
I was in tears and terrified as I drove to the hospital. I don't remember much of it. But I arrived before my wife did. I may have exceeded the speed limit and/or blown through stop lights.
I had to wait to be lead back to see my wife. I had to call our oldest daughter as she could get ahold of all her sisters and tell them in a way better than I may have.
She told me to take a deep breath and asked me how I was doing. Had I told her honestly how I felt I would have crumbled into a puddle of a hysterically sobbing despondent hot mess.
I told her I'd be ok and asked her to tell her sisters.
It was not too long after our wedding where I promised to spend the rest of my life with her and yet was now looking at her possibly dying as most young stroke victims typically do.
I felt cheated out of a lifetime with my wife. But I didn't blame God for it. I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to support the younger two children that we had living with us. I felt I could not cut it alone without my wife.
I did wonder though if I had done something wrong or had not done right well enough or often enough. I couldn't see the silver lining in this situation.
This seemed like staring into a deep painful abyss until the abyss stared back into you.
Everyone experiences blessings and tragedies. Some strike a balance between the two, many do not.
But I don't believe the bad outweighs the good. I believe the good outweighs the bad. Because even if I felt like I was cheated out of time with my wife I still felt that our life together was worth the heartache. It was worth it because life was greater with her than it ever was without her even for what little time we had together at that point.
Now my wife turned out to have a rare type of migraine that does increase her risk of stroke but she is well managed.
But she has lupus. But she will not die from lupus, she will likely die from complications of lupus like kidney or liver failure.
But her health is good most days but sooner or later she goes through what's called a "flare" which is what reduces her to bed rest for a few days.
Her health is better and it's been a while since I was looking down the barrel of being a widower before I turned 35.The reason I bring all this up is to offer what I thought of at times when I felt blessed, and at times I felt tragedy.Because I thought of Job while I was making calls and letting my wife's family know what was going on when it looked like she was having a stroke. Job suffered great loss and tragedy. He lost his wife and children, his property and his wealth, possessions and clothing. Yet he did not blame God. He knew there was a reason. He just didn't know what that reason was.That scary night at the hospital has helped me treasure my wife and everyday with her since then. I tell her I love her daily but more than that I show her everyday because one day it will be our last day together. And I want her to cross from this life to the next knowing how much she has meant to me.
Tragedy has helped me to appreciate my blessings more than I ever have before. That is how we can balance out blessings and tragedies.
We cannot know light without dark and we cannot know pleasure without pain. It may sound trite but I believe there is truth in those analogies.
But the difference between balancing out the blessings and tragedies is a matter of ones frame of mind. We must chose to look at life in a healthier way. If we do not we will capsize. But then we can start over and get it right the next time.
